Emotional Abuse Is Domestic Violence

I was once in an emotionally abusive relationship. He changed once we moved in together – before that I thought he was a really nice guy, but unfortunately his pattern of behaviour changed. I hope that this stage of manipulation would pass and I certainly found out how naive I was.
The type that didn’t know the meaning of a little bit of privacy, always looking through my things, questioning my activities, questioning me about my past, consistently brought me down about my weight, compared me to his ex-wife, called me names and his actions made me feel wrong about everything.

He’d even ignore me as soon as he walked through the front door, not even a hello, – it was like I didn’t exist except when he wanted something.
Falling in love doesn’t mean the guy is right for you, because any form of abuse should be taken very seriously.
Eventually, I withdrew and kept everything to myself and I even started to get depressed, at one time I didn’t know who I was anymore.

How I coped:
I learnt to speak my mind and pointed out to him I wouldn’t put up with this sort of abusive behaviour for too much longer. I took up activities to relax myself, going for a walks every day, meditation and talked to a close friend about it. Talking to someone else helped me cope because keeping it inside can do damage. Even speaking to a family member can work wonders.

How the situation changed
The situation changed once I decided to end the relationship and promised myself to never look back. I’m pleased to say we broke up, and once he found out I started a new relationship, he came knocking on my door asking for a second chance. He even proposed, saying he had changed, but I knew his past actions could be repeated and so I said no.

What helped me to get stronger
I made myself get stronger. I structured my pattern of thinking to not tolerate my partner’s manipulation and intimidation any longer. Writing my thoughts and feelings down on paper like a diary helped in the development of strength.

What I would say to someone who is being abused
Please, anyone out there presently in any form of abusive relationship, once a guy behaves in an abusive way more than a few times, it’s not just a mistake brought on by his own stresses, it’s what’s called character. Take that step and move on before it’s too late.
Such a decision can be hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again. Make sure you go out with friends after a break up, as this will only do you good

My Bitter Experience

My first husband was mentally and physically abusive and had a sexual addiction problem. I knew before we married about a family history of abuse. Once before our marriage, he threatened to kill us both in the car. I thought his behaviour would change once he moved away from his family, and for a very short time it did.
Before I gave birth to our first child, twice he again threatened to kill us in the car. After I gave birth, his mental abuse of manipulation, questioning my fidelity and stalking me escalated. After the birth of our second child, his sexual addiction was ignited and he began a series of affairs. Depression robbed me of my ready smile.
It was like walking on eggshells, but I loved him.
His continual physical abuse ceased the day he belted me so hard I lost partial hearing in one ear and then he raped me. Afterward he felt remorseful and I was grateful for the cessation of physical abuse.  Within months, I saw my children withdraw from their father.
The day i made up my mind to leave, was the day i watched in horror as he threw a knife at our son during one of our flight.

What I would say to someone who is being abused!

It’s easy to say “GET OUT”, but I know what it feels like wanting to give a fifth, sixth, and seventh chance. There is a song that Brian Cadd recorded in the 70s and its integral words were: “If it hurts to say his name, then baby let go.” It’s as simple as that. You deserve to be happy, loved and fulfilled.

It took me a lot of false starts, but eventually I stepped out of an abusive relationship. I am now re-married and enjoying every minute of what a real marriage should be. Don’t waste another minute of your life trying to change an abuser.

Please, anyone out there presently in any form of abusive relationship, once a guy behaves in an abusive way more than a few times, it’s not just a mistake brought on by his own stresses. Take that step and move on before it’s too late. Such a decision can be hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again. Make sure you go out with friends after a break up, as this will only do you good.