ABUSED AND USED FOR YEARS

I've been having a really hard time coping with the aftermath of my break up to a horribly abusive man. I feel like I was asleep for four years and only just woke up to the reality of how I'd been living. I met this monster in 2012 and fell in love with him... things happened really fast and before i knew it we got married and started living together in my own house, after few months of dating. Initially things were okay at first, but the unexpected came very quickly.I found out early enough that he was a pathological liar, thief and a woman beater. He physically assaulted me, used me as his ATM machine, abandoned me while I was pregnant (I secretly had an abortion and later took him back), constantly tricked me and manipulated me, threw other women in my face, etc. I kept all of this a secret from my family and his just because i felt it was barely a year we got married and things would get better. The physical abuse behavior continued for years until few months ago when it was clear he had moved on and was done with me. I left my own house and waited for him to move out (which he did). But the past few months have been horrific for me. I cant seem to forgive myself for waiting this long even after i knew his real person earlier. I have finally woken up and i am now able to see that he was just using me the whole time. I'm very glad i'm done with him but the shame and anger I feel with myself is overwhelming. I had somehow convinced myself that he loved me even when i suspected he didn't. I feel a dark cloud of anger,pain and humiliation every passing day and I don't know how to get over it.I wasted 4 years of my life with such an evil person. I may only have 3 years more to have children as age is no longer on my side. where do i start from? Thank you for listening. Any advice?