Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships: .By Eneche

Are you in an abusive relationship and have just accepted that this is how it is, and you have decided to stay in this place? Today I want to talk about why women stay in abusive relationships. We all know that there are many forms of abuse, and many people have been killed, or have had nervous breakdowns as a result.

Some women stay in abusive situations because they feel that they cannot do any better. Their self-image has been torn down completely too where they don't see anything positive about themselves. Some women think that they can't make it if they leave the person that is abusing them. Why women stay in abusive relationships may be crazy to a lot of people; but if you are a person who came into the relationship with low self-esteem, and if you don't know who you are; you will allow anyone to manipulate and control you. This is the mindset of the abused. However, I want to speak to you today "Woman of Purpose", you have been created for a reason...You were not designed to be abused! There is more in you than you know; and the person who is abusing you is aware of the ability that lies beneath the abuse that he has put on you.

Maybe you're the abuser...what happened to you in your childhood (because that is where the root started) that would cause you to degrade women in such a fashion. Do you hate yourself? Most men who abuse women have been neglected or abused themselves; and the only way that they know how to get satisfaction from what they have experienced is to take out their frustrations on the person that they are with.

Many couples don't realize this, but abuse is an illness! The behavior of an abuser originates from a place of pain and suffering; and it has must be dealt with or the behavior will continue. I have known men who have abused their wives physically and verbally because of what they saw in the interactions between their own parents. And if the victimized child does not receive the help, or the guidance that is needed, there is a possibility that the child will grow up and duplicate what he saw.

Maybe you're a person who feels that you can't support yourself or your children...and you feel that if you let this person go you can't make it. I want you to know that you can, and you will survive! Nothing is impossible for a person who is determined to make a change.
If you are a woman who has chosen to stay with her mate and he has been abusive, get help...and if he will not get the help that he needs, make the decision to move on.
Maybe you are a man reading this article...if you don't feel that you can make a change, let her go; and then you get the help that you need so that you can be healed; and when all has been said and done--what is meant to be, will be!

Abusive marriage My Husband hits Himself

Dear Readers of DOASW,

I got married  in 2008.my husband  seemed extremely sensitive, patient and in love with me. It was an arranged marriage and we were living with his parents.Since late last year ,our life has been quite rough with him resorting to hitting himself or me over small day to day issues. In July he abused me in public at a family gathering, and threw my bag on the floor saying i didnt deserve to be married to him. He happened to be furious with me cos I didn't make breakfast on a day I wasn't feeling fine.
On another occasion, he slapped me repeatedly in front of his mother as he felt that i wasnt being cordial with his relatives. He even called my parents and abused them for my wrong brought up. Last month he once again got abusive over my not calling his parents over a weekend and slapped and punched me leaving my eye swollen. He refused to take me to a doctor and even took a picture of me just after he slapped me so as to create evidence before any swelling developed. When my parents came over and threatened to go to the police, he was abusive towards them.
He was incapable of having a rational discussion with me, and would land up hitting himself accusing me of driving him up the wall. He hit his head using his hands, or banged his head against the wall. Once he even picked up my slippers and slapped himself. He has always clarified that the abuse was because of me and he wouldnt repeat it. 
In a fit of rage, he has broken his phone, thrown his laptop, broken my glasses etc. The wierd part was he would make me keep quiet about the violence and make me feel guilty about and I would even apologise.
I had promised myself that i wouldnt put up with this anymore, and moved out when his abuse didnt stop. He refused to see a counselor, or our pastor and believed that it was because of me. His parents said that he never behaved this way before our marriage and his actions were because of me. Am I responsible of it? Should I help him? He has no respect for my parents, and repeatedly called me a liar when i narrated these incidents to anyone.
There have been the good times, when we have spent time with his friends or relatives. I never realized that i was in such a bad marriage till i thought about it. I was living in hope that it would never occur again and we will be happy, but it doesnt seem probable. His mother says he will become better if we have a child. He hates children and has very low interest in sex. Will such a person change or was i being an optimistic fool? I suspectt he's taking some hard drugs because no sane person would hit himself.I actually  dreamt of a great future with this guy... should i give it another shot or just move on?

How do i fix my marriage

Hello Eneche

I have been married for 3 years now. i love my husband very much. but in the past year we have been going down hill big time. we both are changing. He is getting madder and because  he is mad all of the time that makes me mad as well. i try so hard to keep a very good out look on everything, and not get mad, sad, or aggravated about any thing. but he just keep on pushing all of the buttons that he can find. his brother and friend moved in with us. We are 5 people in a 2 bedroom home. i am the only one that is not working. i understand that he is stressed out about the home and work. but things just seem to be getting worse. i am trying everything to make him happy but nothing is working. and the bad part is that i have stop wanting, looking, or thinking about sex for a good min. i have tried talking to him about every thing. but the only thing he is doing is trying to put a gilt trip on me. that it is all my fault, that is he going to kill himself,that its always his fault and i do nothing wrong. i just don't know what to do any more. can some one help me. thank you .

Unhappy wife

just need some advice on what to do with my current situation. I know its long but I need your sincere Advice:

To start with, my husband and I are just married for about a year and a half and we are currently living in his parents' basement. Well it didn't really occure to me that this was going to be a problem (well,masking it with saving money instead of renting an apartment). I don't really have anything to say about his parents, they are really nice people. But im beginning to suspect that my husband is a mama's boy, this is making my mind explode because I really don't want to be attached with a guy who's a mama's boy and I think that I have made this huge and stupid mistake of marrying one. He asks his mother for approval whenever he is doing something, he calls her most of the time whenever we are out traveling somewhere (to give her updates on how our day went and what our plans are for the next day), he can't say no to his mother.
whenever we are planning to go out like we recently planned to go for a romantic dinner for 2 and guess what he invited his mom and his sister to go with us(this is not the only time this happened, there were lots of it)it's totally fine if they go with us but not all the time, I just want to shout at him and say "Can we just have a "we" time where it's just the two of us?" it's as if he can't live without his mother. Another one, we were shopping at one day for a project, we were looking at this toilet seat he pointed at a certain toilet seat and said "That toilet seat is a good one, it's the same as the one at my parent's house and if we get that for our house my mom would certainly approve of it".
Few nights ago e got me angry so I refused to go up for dinner . I  told him that I don't feel like eating yet, so they can just eat dinner without me. He went up for dinner and his sister came down and tried making me go upstairs to eat dinner, so I did (in case they think that I was being disrespectful or something like that), so they were talking about cooking chicken, then someone mentioned "What? You can't go wrong with cooking chicken! It's easy" then my husband replied, "Yes you can, my wife did that, she cooked this chicken and it was awful". Imagine hearing that when you are already depressed and mopey, I wanted to just cry in front of everyone and shout that "This is enough! I want to go home and leave this place and never come back!" I know I am not good with cooking but hearing my husband say that in front of other people, it just made me scared,scared that I cannot trust him anymore, the only person I thought who would stand up for me when everything would go wrong just shattered my whole world into pieces and I couldn't pick it up. I told him about the chicken and he said sorry to me, but I don't know I am still scared, maybe I have not forgiven him, it just makes me scared, what happens when I make another mistake like that, will other people know of them too? I just can't trust him anymore. I guess I was just expecting him to be that someone I can depend on when the world is against me.

Please help me with this concern, I love my husband and I don't want these concerns to hinder in our relationship.

Thank you!