Emotional Abuse Is Domestic Violence

I was once in an emotionally abusive relationship. He changed once we moved in together – before that I thought he was a really nice guy, but unfortunately his pattern of behaviour changed. I hope that this stage of manipulation would pass and I certainly found out how naive I was.
The type that didn’t know the meaning of a little bit of privacy, always looking through my things, questioning my activities, questioning me about my past, consistently brought me down about my weight, compared me to his ex-wife, called me names and his actions made me feel wrong about everything.

He’d even ignore me as soon as he walked through the front door, not even a hello, – it was like I didn’t exist except when he wanted something.
Falling in love doesn’t mean the guy is right for you, because any form of abuse should be taken very seriously.
Eventually, I withdrew and kept everything to myself and I even started to get depressed, at one time I didn’t know who I was anymore.

How I coped:
I learnt to speak my mind and pointed out to him I wouldn’t put up with this sort of abusive behaviour for too much longer. I took up activities to relax myself, going for a walks every day, meditation and talked to a close friend about it. Talking to someone else helped me cope because keeping it inside can do damage. Even speaking to a family member can work wonders.

How the situation changed
The situation changed once I decided to end the relationship and promised myself to never look back. I’m pleased to say we broke up, and once he found out I started a new relationship, he came knocking on my door asking for a second chance. He even proposed, saying he had changed, but I knew his past actions could be repeated and so I said no.

What helped me to get stronger
I made myself get stronger. I structured my pattern of thinking to not tolerate my partner’s manipulation and intimidation any longer. Writing my thoughts and feelings down on paper like a diary helped in the development of strength.

What I would say to someone who is being abused
Please, anyone out there presently in any form of abusive relationship, once a guy behaves in an abusive way more than a few times, it’s not just a mistake brought on by his own stresses, it’s what’s called character. Take that step and move on before it’s too late.
Such a decision can be hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again. Make sure you go out with friends after a break up, as this will only do you good

My Bitter Experience

My first husband was mentally and physically abusive and had a sexual addiction problem. I knew before we married about a family history of abuse. Once before our marriage, he threatened to kill us both in the car. I thought his behaviour would change once he moved away from his family, and for a very short time it did.
Before I gave birth to our first child, twice he again threatened to kill us in the car. After I gave birth, his mental abuse of manipulation, questioning my fidelity and stalking me escalated. After the birth of our second child, his sexual addiction was ignited and he began a series of affairs. Depression robbed me of my ready smile.
It was like walking on eggshells, but I loved him.
His continual physical abuse ceased the day he belted me so hard I lost partial hearing in one ear and then he raped me. Afterward he felt remorseful and I was grateful for the cessation of physical abuse.  Within months, I saw my children withdraw from their father.
The day i made up my mind to leave, was the day i watched in horror as he threw a knife at our son during one of our flight.

What I would say to someone who is being abused!

It’s easy to say “GET OUT”, but I know what it feels like wanting to give a fifth, sixth, and seventh chance. There is a song that Brian Cadd recorded in the 70s and its integral words were: “If it hurts to say his name, then baby let go.” It’s as simple as that. You deserve to be happy, loved and fulfilled.

It took me a lot of false starts, but eventually I stepped out of an abusive relationship. I am now re-married and enjoying every minute of what a real marriage should be. Don’t waste another minute of your life trying to change an abuser.

Please, anyone out there presently in any form of abusive relationship, once a guy behaves in an abusive way more than a few times, it’s not just a mistake brought on by his own stresses. Take that step and move on before it’s too late. Such a decision can be hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again. Make sure you go out with friends after a break up, as this will only do you good.

Lack of communication in Marriage!

One of the biggest problems many people have in their married lives is lack of communication. People start to live their own lives without their partner and then start to grow apart.If you have had issues like this with your spouse,how did the problem get solved?Please share and help someone's marriage..

ABUSED AND USED FOR YEARS

I've been having a really hard time coping with the aftermath of my break up to a horribly abusive man. I feel like I was asleep for four years and only just woke up to the reality of how I'd been living. I met this monster in 2012 and fell in love with him... things happened really fast and before i knew it we got married and started living together in my own house, after few months of dating. Initially things were okay at first, but the unexpected came very quickly.I found out early enough that he was a pathological liar, thief and a woman beater. He physically assaulted me, used me as his ATM machine, abandoned me while I was pregnant (I secretly had an abortion and later took him back), constantly tricked me and manipulated me, threw other women in my face, etc. I kept all of this a secret from my family and his just because i felt it was barely a year we got married and things would get better. The physical abuse behavior continued for years until few months ago when it was clear he had moved on and was done with me. I left my own house and waited for him to move out (which he did). But the past few months have been horrific for me. I cant seem to forgive myself for waiting this long even after i knew his real person earlier. I have finally woken up and i am now able to see that he was just using me the whole time. I'm very glad i'm done with him but the shame and anger I feel with myself is overwhelming. I had somehow convinced myself that he loved me even when i suspected he didn't. I feel a dark cloud of anger,pain and humiliation every passing day and I don't know how to get over it.I wasted 4 years of my life with such an evil person. I may only have 3 years more to have children as age is no longer on my side. where do i start from? Thank you for listening. Any advice?

Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships: .By Eneche

Are you in an abusive relationship and have just accepted that this is how it is, and you have decided to stay in this place? Today I want to talk about why women stay in abusive relationships. We all know that there are many forms of abuse, and many people have been killed, or have had nervous breakdowns as a result.

Some women stay in abusive situations because they feel that they cannot do any better. Their self-image has been torn down completely too where they don't see anything positive about themselves. Some women think that they can't make it if they leave the person that is abusing them. Why women stay in abusive relationships may be crazy to a lot of people; but if you are a person who came into the relationship with low self-esteem, and if you don't know who you are; you will allow anyone to manipulate and control you. This is the mindset of the abused. However, I want to speak to you today "Woman of Purpose", you have been created for a reason...You were not designed to be abused! There is more in you than you know; and the person who is abusing you is aware of the ability that lies beneath the abuse that he has put on you.

Maybe you're the abuser...what happened to you in your childhood (because that is where the root started) that would cause you to degrade women in such a fashion. Do you hate yourself? Most men who abuse women have been neglected or abused themselves; and the only way that they know how to get satisfaction from what they have experienced is to take out their frustrations on the person that they are with.

Many couples don't realize this, but abuse is an illness! The behavior of an abuser originates from a place of pain and suffering; and it has must be dealt with or the behavior will continue. I have known men who have abused their wives physically and verbally because of what they saw in the interactions between their own parents. And if the victimized child does not receive the help, or the guidance that is needed, there is a possibility that the child will grow up and duplicate what he saw.

Maybe you're a person who feels that you can't support yourself or your children...and you feel that if you let this person go you can't make it. I want you to know that you can, and you will survive! Nothing is impossible for a person who is determined to make a change.
If you are a woman who has chosen to stay with her mate and he has been abusive, get help...and if he will not get the help that he needs, make the decision to move on.
Maybe you are a man reading this article...if you don't feel that you can make a change, let her go; and then you get the help that you need so that you can be healed; and when all has been said and done--what is meant to be, will be!

Abusive marriage My Husband hits Himself

Dear Readers of DOASW,

I got married  in 2008.my husband  seemed extremely sensitive, patient and in love with me. It was an arranged marriage and we were living with his parents.Since late last year ,our life has been quite rough with him resorting to hitting himself or me over small day to day issues. In July he abused me in public at a family gathering, and threw my bag on the floor saying i didnt deserve to be married to him. He happened to be furious with me cos I didn't make breakfast on a day I wasn't feeling fine.
On another occasion, he slapped me repeatedly in front of his mother as he felt that i wasnt being cordial with his relatives. He even called my parents and abused them for my wrong brought up. Last month he once again got abusive over my not calling his parents over a weekend and slapped and punched me leaving my eye swollen. He refused to take me to a doctor and even took a picture of me just after he slapped me so as to create evidence before any swelling developed. When my parents came over and threatened to go to the police, he was abusive towards them.
He was incapable of having a rational discussion with me, and would land up hitting himself accusing me of driving him up the wall. He hit his head using his hands, or banged his head against the wall. Once he even picked up my slippers and slapped himself. He has always clarified that the abuse was because of me and he wouldnt repeat it. 
In a fit of rage, he has broken his phone, thrown his laptop, broken my glasses etc. The wierd part was he would make me keep quiet about the violence and make me feel guilty about and I would even apologise.
I had promised myself that i wouldnt put up with this anymore, and moved out when his abuse didnt stop. He refused to see a counselor, or our pastor and believed that it was because of me. His parents said that he never behaved this way before our marriage and his actions were because of me. Am I responsible of it? Should I help him? He has no respect for my parents, and repeatedly called me a liar when i narrated these incidents to anyone.
There have been the good times, when we have spent time with his friends or relatives. I never realized that i was in such a bad marriage till i thought about it. I was living in hope that it would never occur again and we will be happy, but it doesnt seem probable. His mother says he will become better if we have a child. He hates children and has very low interest in sex. Will such a person change or was i being an optimistic fool? I suspectt he's taking some hard drugs because no sane person would hit himself.I actually  dreamt of a great future with this guy... should i give it another shot or just move on?