What do you advice????

My friend found out her husband was cheating and brought home the pack of his used condom she spoke to him about it he denied it saying he owes her no explanation and continues cheating even when she is willing to forgive him and make her marriage work. But he is not willing to he has stopped communicating with her verbally in the same house. Pls what do you advice she does? Thanks

Sorry For The Long Break

Happy New year to all DOASW fans..A lot happened between May 2016 and January 2018.Staying away for so long was due to circumstances beyond me.But in all, i am grateful to God. The birth of DOASW was due to the passion i have for relationship and marriage. It is a platform were we share and learn from each other..Both the Negative and Positive issues in relationships and marriages. we are not here to judge or blame anyone as we all, are a work in progress to be better people in the affairs of life. Too many betrayals among friends, hence we don't know who we are confiding in.You can share your stories/Experience as anonymous here. Depression is real, speak up if you are being abused in your relationship or marriage.

Emotional Abuse Is Domestic Violence

I was once in an emotionally abusive relationship. He changed once we moved in together – before that I thought he was a really nice guy, but unfortunately his pattern of behaviour changed. I hope that this stage of manipulation would pass and I certainly found out how naive I was.
The type that didn’t know the meaning of a little bit of privacy, always looking through my things, questioning my activities, questioning me about my past, consistently brought me down about my weight, compared me to his ex-wife, called me names and his actions made me feel wrong about everything.

He’d even ignore me as soon as he walked through the front door, not even a hello, – it was like I didn’t exist except when he wanted something.
Falling in love doesn’t mean the guy is right for you, because any form of abuse should be taken very seriously.
Eventually, I withdrew and kept everything to myself and I even started to get depressed, at one time I didn’t know who I was anymore.

How I coped:
I learnt to speak my mind and pointed out to him I wouldn’t put up with this sort of abusive behaviour for too much longer. I took up activities to relax myself, going for a walks every day, meditation and talked to a close friend about it. Talking to someone else helped me cope because keeping it inside can do damage. Even speaking to a family member can work wonders.

How the situation changed
The situation changed once I decided to end the relationship and promised myself to never look back. I’m pleased to say we broke up, and once he found out I started a new relationship, he came knocking on my door asking for a second chance. He even proposed, saying he had changed, but I knew his past actions could be repeated and so I said no.

What helped me to get stronger
I made myself get stronger. I structured my pattern of thinking to not tolerate my partner’s manipulation and intimidation any longer. Writing my thoughts and feelings down on paper like a diary helped in the development of strength.

What I would say to someone who is being abused
Please, anyone out there presently in any form of abusive relationship, once a guy behaves in an abusive way more than a few times, it’s not just a mistake brought on by his own stresses, it’s what’s called character. Take that step and move on before it’s too late.
Such a decision can be hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again. Make sure you go out with friends after a break up, as this will only do you good

My Bitter Experience

My first husband was mentally and physically abusive and had a sexual addiction problem. I knew before we married about a family history of abuse. Once before our marriage, he threatened to kill us both in the car. I thought his behaviour would change once he moved away from his family, and for a very short time it did.
Before I gave birth to our first child, twice he again threatened to kill us in the car. After I gave birth, his mental abuse of manipulation, questioning my fidelity and stalking me escalated. After the birth of our second child, his sexual addiction was ignited and he began a series of affairs. Depression robbed me of my ready smile.
It was like walking on eggshells, but I loved him.
His continual physical abuse ceased the day he belted me so hard I lost partial hearing in one ear and then he raped me. Afterward he felt remorseful and I was grateful for the cessation of physical abuse.  Within months, I saw my children withdraw from their father.
The day i made up my mind to leave, was the day i watched in horror as he threw a knife at our son during one of our flight.

What I would say to someone who is being abused!

It’s easy to say “GET OUT”, but I know what it feels like wanting to give a fifth, sixth, and seventh chance. There is a song that Brian Cadd recorded in the 70s and its integral words were: “If it hurts to say his name, then baby let go.” It’s as simple as that. You deserve to be happy, loved and fulfilled.

It took me a lot of false starts, but eventually I stepped out of an abusive relationship. I am now re-married and enjoying every minute of what a real marriage should be. Don’t waste another minute of your life trying to change an abuser.

Please, anyone out there presently in any form of abusive relationship, once a guy behaves in an abusive way more than a few times, it’s not just a mistake brought on by his own stresses. Take that step and move on before it’s too late. Such a decision can be hard but taking a positive step to free yourself is certainly worth it. You will need time to heal the hurt, but over time you will feel like yourself again. Make sure you go out with friends after a break up, as this will only do you good.

Lack of communication in Marriage!

One of the biggest problems many people have in their married lives is lack of communication. People start to live their own lives without their partner and then start to grow apart.If you have had issues like this with your spouse,how did the problem get solved?Please share and help someone's marriage..

ABUSED AND USED FOR YEARS

I've been having a really hard time coping with the aftermath of my break up to a horribly abusive man. I feel like I was asleep for four years and only just woke up to the reality of how I'd been living. I met this monster in 2012 and fell in love with him... things happened really fast and before i knew it we got married and started living together in my own house, after few months of dating. Initially things were okay at first, but the unexpected came very quickly.I found out early enough that he was a pathological liar, thief and a woman beater. He physically assaulted me, used me as his ATM machine, abandoned me while I was pregnant (I secretly had an abortion and later took him back), constantly tricked me and manipulated me, threw other women in my face, etc. I kept all of this a secret from my family and his just because i felt it was barely a year we got married and things would get better. The physical abuse behavior continued for years until few months ago when it was clear he had moved on and was done with me. I left my own house and waited for him to move out (which he did). But the past few months have been horrific for me. I cant seem to forgive myself for waiting this long even after i knew his real person earlier. I have finally woken up and i am now able to see that he was just using me the whole time. I'm very glad i'm done with him but the shame and anger I feel with myself is overwhelming. I had somehow convinced myself that he loved me even when i suspected he didn't. I feel a dark cloud of anger,pain and humiliation every passing day and I don't know how to get over it.I wasted 4 years of my life with such an evil person. I may only have 3 years more to have children as age is no longer on my side. where do i start from? Thank you for listening. Any advice?

Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships: .By Eneche

Are you in an abusive relationship and have just accepted that this is how it is, and you have decided to stay in this place? Today I want to talk about why women stay in abusive relationships. We all know that there are many forms of abuse, and many people have been killed, or have had nervous breakdowns as a result.

Some women stay in abusive situations because they feel that they cannot do any better. Their self-image has been torn down completely too where they don't see anything positive about themselves. Some women think that they can't make it if they leave the person that is abusing them. Why women stay in abusive relationships may be crazy to a lot of people; but if you are a person who came into the relationship with low self-esteem, and if you don't know who you are; you will allow anyone to manipulate and control you. This is the mindset of the abused. However, I want to speak to you today "Woman of Purpose", you have been created for a reason...You were not designed to be abused! There is more in you than you know; and the person who is abusing you is aware of the ability that lies beneath the abuse that he has put on you.

Maybe you're the abuser...what happened to you in your childhood (because that is where the root started) that would cause you to degrade women in such a fashion. Do you hate yourself? Most men who abuse women have been neglected or abused themselves; and the only way that they know how to get satisfaction from what they have experienced is to take out their frustrations on the person that they are with.

Many couples don't realize this, but abuse is an illness! The behavior of an abuser originates from a place of pain and suffering; and it has must be dealt with or the behavior will continue. I have known men who have abused their wives physically and verbally because of what they saw in the interactions between their own parents. And if the victimized child does not receive the help, or the guidance that is needed, there is a possibility that the child will grow up and duplicate what he saw.

Maybe you're a person who feels that you can't support yourself or your children...and you feel that if you let this person go you can't make it. I want you to know that you can, and you will survive! Nothing is impossible for a person who is determined to make a change.
If you are a woman who has chosen to stay with her mate and he has been abusive, get help...and if he will not get the help that he needs, make the decision to move on.
Maybe you are a man reading this article...if you don't feel that you can make a change, let her go; and then you get the help that you need so that you can be healed; and when all has been said and done--what is meant to be, will be!

Abusive marriage My Husband hits Himself

Dear Readers of DOASW,

I got married  in 2008.my husband  seemed extremely sensitive, patient and in love with me. It was an arranged marriage and we were living with his parents.Since late last year ,our life has been quite rough with him resorting to hitting himself or me over small day to day issues. In July he abused me in public at a family gathering, and threw my bag on the floor saying i didnt deserve to be married to him. He happened to be furious with me cos I didn't make breakfast on a day I wasn't feeling fine.
On another occasion, he slapped me repeatedly in front of his mother as he felt that i wasnt being cordial with his relatives. He even called my parents and abused them for my wrong brought up. Last month he once again got abusive over my not calling his parents over a weekend and slapped and punched me leaving my eye swollen. He refused to take me to a doctor and even took a picture of me just after he slapped me so as to create evidence before any swelling developed. When my parents came over and threatened to go to the police, he was abusive towards them.
He was incapable of having a rational discussion with me, and would land up hitting himself accusing me of driving him up the wall. He hit his head using his hands, or banged his head against the wall. Once he even picked up my slippers and slapped himself. He has always clarified that the abuse was because of me and he wouldnt repeat it. 
In a fit of rage, he has broken his phone, thrown his laptop, broken my glasses etc. The wierd part was he would make me keep quiet about the violence and make me feel guilty about and I would even apologise.
I had promised myself that i wouldnt put up with this anymore, and moved out when his abuse didnt stop. He refused to see a counselor, or our pastor and believed that it was because of me. His parents said that he never behaved this way before our marriage and his actions were because of me. Am I responsible of it? Should I help him? He has no respect for my parents, and repeatedly called me a liar when i narrated these incidents to anyone.
There have been the good times, when we have spent time with his friends or relatives. I never realized that i was in such a bad marriage till i thought about it. I was living in hope that it would never occur again and we will be happy, but it doesnt seem probable. His mother says he will become better if we have a child. He hates children and has very low interest in sex. Will such a person change or was i being an optimistic fool? I suspectt he's taking some hard drugs because no sane person would hit himself.I actually  dreamt of a great future with this guy... should i give it another shot or just move on?

How do i fix my marriage

Hello Eneche

I have been married for 3 years now. i love my husband very much. but in the past year we have been going down hill big time. we both are changing. He is getting madder and because  he is mad all of the time that makes me mad as well. i try so hard to keep a very good out look on everything, and not get mad, sad, or aggravated about any thing. but he just keep on pushing all of the buttons that he can find. his brother and friend moved in with us. We are 5 people in a 2 bedroom home. i am the only one that is not working. i understand that he is stressed out about the home and work. but things just seem to be getting worse. i am trying everything to make him happy but nothing is working. and the bad part is that i have stop wanting, looking, or thinking about sex for a good min. i have tried talking to him about every thing. but the only thing he is doing is trying to put a gilt trip on me. that it is all my fault, that is he going to kill himself,that its always his fault and i do nothing wrong. i just don't know what to do any more. can some one help me. thank you .

Unhappy wife

just need some advice on what to do with my current situation. I know its long but I need your sincere Advice:

To start with, my husband and I are just married for about a year and a half and we are currently living in his parents' basement. Well it didn't really occure to me that this was going to be a problem (well,masking it with saving money instead of renting an apartment). I don't really have anything to say about his parents, they are really nice people. But im beginning to suspect that my husband is a mama's boy, this is making my mind explode because I really don't want to be attached with a guy who's a mama's boy and I think that I have made this huge and stupid mistake of marrying one. He asks his mother for approval whenever he is doing something, he calls her most of the time whenever we are out traveling somewhere (to give her updates on how our day went and what our plans are for the next day), he can't say no to his mother.
whenever we are planning to go out like we recently planned to go for a romantic dinner for 2 and guess what he invited his mom and his sister to go with us(this is not the only time this happened, there were lots of it)it's totally fine if they go with us but not all the time, I just want to shout at him and say "Can we just have a "we" time where it's just the two of us?" it's as if he can't live without his mother. Another one, we were shopping at one day for a project, we were looking at this toilet seat he pointed at a certain toilet seat and said "That toilet seat is a good one, it's the same as the one at my parent's house and if we get that for our house my mom would certainly approve of it".
Few nights ago e got me angry so I refused to go up for dinner . I  told him that I don't feel like eating yet, so they can just eat dinner without me. He went up for dinner and his sister came down and tried making me go upstairs to eat dinner, so I did (in case they think that I was being disrespectful or something like that), so they were talking about cooking chicken, then someone mentioned "What? You can't go wrong with cooking chicken! It's easy" then my husband replied, "Yes you can, my wife did that, she cooked this chicken and it was awful". Imagine hearing that when you are already depressed and mopey, I wanted to just cry in front of everyone and shout that "This is enough! I want to go home and leave this place and never come back!" I know I am not good with cooking but hearing my husband say that in front of other people, it just made me scared,scared that I cannot trust him anymore, the only person I thought who would stand up for me when everything would go wrong just shattered my whole world into pieces and I couldn't pick it up. I told him about the chicken and he said sorry to me, but I don't know I am still scared, maybe I have not forgiven him, it just makes me scared, what happens when I make another mistake like that, will other people know of them too? I just can't trust him anymore. I guess I was just expecting him to be that someone I can depend on when the world is against me.

Please help me with this concern, I love my husband and I don't want these concerns to hinder in our relationship.

Thank you!

Should i tell my best friend her husband is cheating?

Dear Readers

My best friend is expecting a child and her hubby has been cheating on her like forever with the same woman.We don't want to approach this lady but we know for sure that he is.The one thing that is holding me and my other girlfriend is that we know once the baby is born he's going to stop.Should she have to wait that long though?What should I do tell her that he's cheating or wait and see?I have faith in him we feel he's going to stop because this is their first child and this was a planned baby so he's going to stop.For the time being she's being cheated on and we know it so if she happens to find out that we knew don't want this to break up our friendship.
On the other hand he's very nice person since they've been married he stopped going out with his friends but he lets her go out.they are Farely newlyweds so I know they are going to make it.Don't want to mess things up with her pregnancy but we don't really know what to do.What do you guys think is the best way to approach the matter?

Divorced And In Love With A Married Man

Dear Eneche

I am 37 years old, divorced, mother of two kids. I am having an affair with a married man. He was after me for a while, then I gave in - knowing he is married. Now he is leaving his wife and I don't want to be the 'reason'. He says it was inevitable. I love him and he says he loves me and I am in no hurry to get married but do I stay with him? I've told him my fears about him cheating with someone else. I don't know - I know the right - moral - thing to do is leave. I know that the right - emotional - thing to do is stay.
Confused!

I Don't know What To Do!!!Almost A Wreck

From a Male Reader..

Hello Eneche,

Here is my issue. 6years ago I was incredibly stupid and left the love of my life because I allowed other people to put "stupid and untrue" idea's about her in my head. I was told by a friend that my girl friend was cheating on me, and it was so convincing, that I decided to leave the relationship by starting one with the woman that I am married to now. Don't get me wrong, I do love me wife, and in the beginning, things were great. Over the years, the relationship has dwindled down to nothing despite me trying everything that I could to get keep the marriage strong. Well, last week, my ex (the one I never should have dumped in the first place) contacted me and her current marriage is kinda sucking too. We have talked on the phone, and even met for lunch. The wierd thing is, it was like we have never been separated for that 5 years. Everything is still the same, our connection hasn't faded and I know in my heart that I am still madly in love with her. She still loves me to. What do I do? Do I leave an unhappy but stable life to attempt to rebuild a life with her? Do I stay with my wife, risk being unhappy, and let my true love move out of my life again? Any suggestions? This really is making me sick!!

Don't know to do. What does he really want?

So I had a brief affair last year that ended the very end of Sept. Came totally clean with my husband and started working on myself because I really needed it. Things were really hard for four months. He would barely talk to me. He started warming up the beginning of February and we started acting like a married couple again. Sex, cuddling the whole nine yards. Things were going well. Last night , I was watching News with my husband when the doorbell rang. My husband answered the door and it was the other man. He was acting really strange and said he was just in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi. Just really freaked me out. I am surprised my husband didn't beat him to a bloody pulp. I can tell he wanted to. Now things are rocky again with my husband because he doesn't know why this guy stopped by. I don't know why he came by. I am totally freaked out and don't know what to do. Need advice. Why did he come over. What does he want.

Was i Wrong To Hit Him?

Dear DOASW

My husband has had so much to drink which is not out of the norm on the weekends. We have been together for nearly a decade, so he knows me. He knows I hate been tickled, and when he's drunk his tickling is more like a mix of actual tickling and jabbing. I was on the couch he was tickling me and i kept telling him to stop, but he wouldn't listen he went on and I got irritated with being "tickled". when I had already kicked him off and toId him to stop but that didn't stop him and then, I accidentally hit him with my phone. I got angry, and hit him the second time on purpose. I don't think that I hit him that hard, but he got angry. He got up, said he was going to hit me if I ever hit him like that again. I told him I felt like I had no choice. He wouldn't stop! His mom walked in on us arguing, and in front of her he said he was going to "scatter me" all over the livingroom if I ever hit him again, that if I wanted to act like a man he was going to treat me like a man. I really don't see how flailing and asking profusely for him to stop and him dismissing my requests is acting like a man? Was I wrong to hit him to get him off of me? Should I have just put up with his sloppy drunk behaviour? I just can't get over the fact that he threatened to physically hurt me. I mean he got in my face and for a moment, I thought he might. He kept asking me who the hell I thought I was. Um, your wife and the mother of your children so how about a little respect? He got up this morning, mad at me. Like I'm the one to blame! Am I crazy to think he owes me an apology and a promise that he's never going to threaten me again?

My Husband Beats Me in Pregnancy!

Dear Eneche

I have been married for almost 9-10 months now. My husband is abusive. he does love me but he beats me very badly.. 
He has a well paid job and I also work in the bank and give him all my salary(almost as much as his). and he keeps reminding me that he is feeding me and paying for my expenses.. he cares for his friends a little too much and wants to spend too much on them... they ignore me totally but he expects me to be lovey -dovey with them.. if i even show that i am not interested in them he beats me very badly... I am pregnant now in my 5 month and yet the beating hasn't stop... Just the other day, he asked me what i wanted and i said nothing and he beat me so bad my head swell up and still hurting till date. he even threatened to beat me in the stomach... i do care for him and love him but my love isnt seeming to be enough... what do i do ?? we in a country were people feel domestic violence is a right for men.and see divorce as a taboo..moreover is it not too early to start thinking that?pls Someone help me!

Opinion please

Hello Readers

About a Week ago,I received a call from my husband who was at that time in his office.he told me that on no account should I answer the door if anybody came knocking.  He claimed there's a man who's going crazy and was accusing him of having an affair with his wife.Hmmmm.I was confused at first but said ok. I waited almost the whole day no one showed up.instead I got a call from my dad saying someone called him to say his "Son Inlaw was having an affair with his Wife" and his wife already confessed to him when he confronted her with evidence.I was Embarrassed and angry at same time ..why should my husband date someone's wife. I called my husband immediately and he denied it saying the guy was nuts . that he's just friends with the lady nothing more and that they were secondary school friends. Finally I called the man in question and he told me they had been having an affair for a couple years and were meeting at a guest house in Ikeja. I got the womans phone number and it was the most frequently dialled number on my Hubby's phone with multiple sex text messages. My husband called the woman and put the phone on speaker for me to hear their conversation. He said tell my wife your husband is crazy and nothing happened. Her response was "thats your problem you need to get your own marriage in order like I am". "There is no friendship here". He acted as if I was supposed to take that as nothing happened but I didn't. He gets mad when I refer to his girlfriend and still says nothing ever happened. 
I don' t really know what to do with this. I want to believe him...but too many things point to him lying.
Do you think he did It???

What Is My Mother In-laws Place in My Home?

Hello Readers

I have been married for 4years. I'm married to my friend of 7years. I have no father inlaw. he died when my husband was still very young and my Mum in-law raised him on her own.
My husbands mum is very religious and has never visited us without trying to convert us to her religion (she is Jehovah Witness).and we are Pentecostal.
It was my husbands birthday/wedding anniversary last week and I  received a message from my mother in-law asking if we could come over to hers as she already made dinner to celebrate with us. I apologized to her nicely and told her we already made plans to go out with friends and it was almost time for the outing it won't be nice to keep people waiting.
She promptly texted my husband and said she had been cooking all day and I refused to come over to hers and that my excuse was flimsy. Mind you it was my husband who didnt want her over since she always throws the religion in our face. Anyway, I sent her a message to say it wasn't nice of her to lie to my husband about me. She then replied with a very long message telling me how she single handedly raised my husband and how I'm trying to create a gap between her son and herself. That if I love myself I should better dance to her tune or else get ready for a second marriage.Hmmmmm! That she's trying to find her place within our marriage! Im sorry but I didnt realize mother in laws had places within our marriage. Am I wrong to think that. I think she is overstepping her boundaries. This isnt the first time either. She is always calling and texting really rude and abusive messages.
We invite her over about once a month for Lunch and go to hers every other weekend that we aren't busy and each time ends with her getting upset because we are all going to 'burn in hell' since we wont convert. Im at a loss here. I adore my husband but am completely lost about how to handle this. Please someone help.

Should I Call The Cops?

"I think this hilarious"😀😁😁😁😁😁

Ive been having an affair with a married man for about 2-3mo. We've known each other for years. He had just got married last year. So this evening when we meet up, she followed him and he did not know it. I had just got into his suv and kissed when she came driving up in front of us. Needless to say, she opened my passenger door and started beating on me in the back of my head and face. I handed my glasses to him so she wouldn't break them. Ive never been in a fight before. I went into shock. Well of course she called me every name in the book and then some. I got out of his suv when she told me to and left. She works for a lawyer. so later on he called to check on me and he said it wasnt worth it anymore that he couldnt risk his marriage. She had told him she wanted a divorce but he want to work it out. I almost called the police because she did assault me. I wasnt sure what to do. I dont know what my consequences would be if any at all. He told her we are just friends. I know she dont believe that. Ive thought about msging her and saying look ok we've been having an affair and attaching photos hes sent me. Im really pissed at him right now bc he did not do anything or say anything when she was hitting me. He did call to check on me and apologize for what happened. I dont know what to do. Ive never had an affair with a married man. Any help here