ABUSED AND USED FOR YEARS

I've been having a really hard time coping with the aftermath of my break up to a horribly abusive man. I feel like I was asleep for four years and only just woke up to the reality of how I'd been living. I met this monster in 2012 and fell in love with him... things happened really fast and before i knew it we got married and started living together in my own house, after few months of dating. Initially things were okay at first, but the unexpected came very quickly.I found out early enough that he was a pathological liar, thief and a woman beater. He physically assaulted me, used me as his ATM machine, abandoned me while I was pregnant (I secretly had an abortion and later took him back), constantly tricked me and manipulated me, threw other women in my face, etc. I kept all of this a secret from my family and his just because i felt it was barely a year we got married and things would get better. The physical abuse behavior continued for years until few months ago when it was clear he had moved on and was done with me. I left my own house and waited for him to move out (which he did). But the past few months have been horrific for me. I cant seem to forgive myself for waiting this long even after i knew his real person earlier. I have finally woken up and i am now able to see that he was just using me the whole time. I'm very glad i'm done with him but the shame and anger I feel with myself is overwhelming. I had somehow convinced myself that he loved me even when i suspected he didn't. I feel a dark cloud of anger,pain and humiliation every passing day and I don't know how to get over it.I wasted 4 years of my life with such an evil person. I may only have 3 years more to have children as age is no longer on my side. where do i start from? Thank you for listening. Any advice?

Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships: .By Eneche

Are you in an abusive relationship and have just accepted that this is how it is, and you have decided to stay in this place? Today I want to talk about why women stay in abusive relationships. We all know that there are many forms of abuse, and many people have been killed, or have had nervous breakdowns as a result.

Some women stay in abusive situations because they feel that they cannot do any better. Their self-image has been torn down completely too where they don't see anything positive about themselves. Some women think that they can't make it if they leave the person that is abusing them. Why women stay in abusive relationships may be crazy to a lot of people; but if you are a person who came into the relationship with low self-esteem, and if you don't know who you are; you will allow anyone to manipulate and control you. This is the mindset of the abused. However, I want to speak to you today "Woman of Purpose", you have been created for a reason...You were not designed to be abused! There is more in you than you know; and the person who is abusing you is aware of the ability that lies beneath the abuse that he has put on you.

Maybe you're the abuser...what happened to you in your childhood (because that is where the root started) that would cause you to degrade women in such a fashion. Do you hate yourself? Most men who abuse women have been neglected or abused themselves; and the only way that they know how to get satisfaction from what they have experienced is to take out their frustrations on the person that they are with.

Many couples don't realize this, but abuse is an illness! The behavior of an abuser originates from a place of pain and suffering; and it has must be dealt with or the behavior will continue. I have known men who have abused their wives physically and verbally because of what they saw in the interactions between their own parents. And if the victimized child does not receive the help, or the guidance that is needed, there is a possibility that the child will grow up and duplicate what he saw.

Maybe you're a person who feels that you can't support yourself or your children...and you feel that if you let this person go you can't make it. I want you to know that you can, and you will survive! Nothing is impossible for a person who is determined to make a change.
If you are a woman who has chosen to stay with her mate and he has been abusive, get help...and if he will not get the help that he needs, make the decision to move on.
Maybe you are a man reading this article...if you don't feel that you can make a change, let her go; and then you get the help that you need so that you can be healed; and when all has been said and done--what is meant to be, will be!

Abusive marriage My Husband hits Himself

Dear Readers of DOASW,

I got married  in 2008.my husband  seemed extremely sensitive, patient and in love with me. It was an arranged marriage and we were living with his parents.Since late last year ,our life has been quite rough with him resorting to hitting himself or me over small day to day issues. In July he abused me in public at a family gathering, and threw my bag on the floor saying i didnt deserve to be married to him. He happened to be furious with me cos I didn't make breakfast on a day I wasn't feeling fine.
On another occasion, he slapped me repeatedly in front of his mother as he felt that i wasnt being cordial with his relatives. He even called my parents and abused them for my wrong brought up. Last month he once again got abusive over my not calling his parents over a weekend and slapped and punched me leaving my eye swollen. He refused to take me to a doctor and even took a picture of me just after he slapped me so as to create evidence before any swelling developed. When my parents came over and threatened to go to the police, he was abusive towards them.
He was incapable of having a rational discussion with me, and would land up hitting himself accusing me of driving him up the wall. He hit his head using his hands, or banged his head against the wall. Once he even picked up my slippers and slapped himself. He has always clarified that the abuse was because of me and he wouldnt repeat it. 
In a fit of rage, he has broken his phone, thrown his laptop, broken my glasses etc. The wierd part was he would make me keep quiet about the violence and make me feel guilty about and I would even apologise.
I had promised myself that i wouldnt put up with this anymore, and moved out when his abuse didnt stop. He refused to see a counselor, or our pastor and believed that it was because of me. His parents said that he never behaved this way before our marriage and his actions were because of me. Am I responsible of it? Should I help him? He has no respect for my parents, and repeatedly called me a liar when i narrated these incidents to anyone.
There have been the good times, when we have spent time with his friends or relatives. I never realized that i was in such a bad marriage till i thought about it. I was living in hope that it would never occur again and we will be happy, but it doesnt seem probable. His mother says he will become better if we have a child. He hates children and has very low interest in sex. Will such a person change or was i being an optimistic fool? I suspectt he's taking some hard drugs because no sane person would hit himself.I actually  dreamt of a great future with this guy... should i give it another shot or just move on?

How do i fix my marriage

Hello Eneche

I have been married for 3 years now. i love my husband very much. but in the past year we have been going down hill big time. we both are changing. He is getting madder and because  he is mad all of the time that makes me mad as well. i try so hard to keep a very good out look on everything, and not get mad, sad, or aggravated about any thing. but he just keep on pushing all of the buttons that he can find. his brother and friend moved in with us. We are 5 people in a 2 bedroom home. i am the only one that is not working. i understand that he is stressed out about the home and work. but things just seem to be getting worse. i am trying everything to make him happy but nothing is working. and the bad part is that i have stop wanting, looking, or thinking about sex for a good min. i have tried talking to him about every thing. but the only thing he is doing is trying to put a gilt trip on me. that it is all my fault, that is he going to kill himself,that its always his fault and i do nothing wrong. i just don't know what to do any more. can some one help me. thank you .

Unhappy wife

just need some advice on what to do with my current situation. I know its long but I need your sincere Advice:

To start with, my husband and I are just married for about a year and a half and we are currently living in his parents' basement. Well it didn't really occure to me that this was going to be a problem (well,masking it with saving money instead of renting an apartment). I don't really have anything to say about his parents, they are really nice people. But im beginning to suspect that my husband is a mama's boy, this is making my mind explode because I really don't want to be attached with a guy who's a mama's boy and I think that I have made this huge and stupid mistake of marrying one. He asks his mother for approval whenever he is doing something, he calls her most of the time whenever we are out traveling somewhere (to give her updates on how our day went and what our plans are for the next day), he can't say no to his mother.
whenever we are planning to go out like we recently planned to go for a romantic dinner for 2 and guess what he invited his mom and his sister to go with us(this is not the only time this happened, there were lots of it)it's totally fine if they go with us but not all the time, I just want to shout at him and say "Can we just have a "we" time where it's just the two of us?" it's as if he can't live without his mother. Another one, we were shopping at one day for a project, we were looking at this toilet seat he pointed at a certain toilet seat and said "That toilet seat is a good one, it's the same as the one at my parent's house and if we get that for our house my mom would certainly approve of it".
Few nights ago e got me angry so I refused to go up for dinner . I  told him that I don't feel like eating yet, so they can just eat dinner without me. He went up for dinner and his sister came down and tried making me go upstairs to eat dinner, so I did (in case they think that I was being disrespectful or something like that), so they were talking about cooking chicken, then someone mentioned "What? You can't go wrong with cooking chicken! It's easy" then my husband replied, "Yes you can, my wife did that, she cooked this chicken and it was awful". Imagine hearing that when you are already depressed and mopey, I wanted to just cry in front of everyone and shout that "This is enough! I want to go home and leave this place and never come back!" I know I am not good with cooking but hearing my husband say that in front of other people, it just made me scared,scared that I cannot trust him anymore, the only person I thought who would stand up for me when everything would go wrong just shattered my whole world into pieces and I couldn't pick it up. I told him about the chicken and he said sorry to me, but I don't know I am still scared, maybe I have not forgiven him, it just makes me scared, what happens when I make another mistake like that, will other people know of them too? I just can't trust him anymore. I guess I was just expecting him to be that someone I can depend on when the world is against me.

Please help me with this concern, I love my husband and I don't want these concerns to hinder in our relationship.

Thank you!

Should i tell my best friend her husband is cheating?

Dear Readers

My best friend is expecting a child and her hubby has been cheating on her like forever with the same woman.We don't want to approach this lady but we know for sure that he is.The one thing that is holding me and my other girlfriend is that we know once the baby is born he's going to stop.Should she have to wait that long though?What should I do tell her that he's cheating or wait and see?I have faith in him we feel he's going to stop because this is their first child and this was a planned baby so he's going to stop.For the time being she's being cheated on and we know it so if she happens to find out that we knew don't want this to break up our friendship.
On the other hand he's very nice person since they've been married he stopped going out with his friends but he lets her go out.they are Farely newlyweds so I know they are going to make it.Don't want to mess things up with her pregnancy but we don't really know what to do.What do you guys think is the best way to approach the matter?

Divorced And In Love With A Married Man

Dear Eneche

I am 37 years old, divorced, mother of two kids. I am having an affair with a married man. He was after me for a while, then I gave in - knowing he is married. Now he is leaving his wife and I don't want to be the 'reason'. He says it was inevitable. I love him and he says he loves me and I am in no hurry to get married but do I stay with him? I've told him my fears about him cheating with someone else. I don't know - I know the right - moral - thing to do is leave. I know that the right - emotional - thing to do is stay.
Confused!

I Don't know What To Do!!!Almost A Wreck

From a Male Reader..

Hello Eneche,

Here is my issue. 6years ago I was incredibly stupid and left the love of my life because I allowed other people to put "stupid and untrue" idea's about her in my head. I was told by a friend that my girl friend was cheating on me, and it was so convincing, that I decided to leave the relationship by starting one with the woman that I am married to now. Don't get me wrong, I do love me wife, and in the beginning, things were great. Over the years, the relationship has dwindled down to nothing despite me trying everything that I could to get keep the marriage strong. Well, last week, my ex (the one I never should have dumped in the first place) contacted me and her current marriage is kinda sucking too. We have talked on the phone, and even met for lunch. The wierd thing is, it was like we have never been separated for that 5 years. Everything is still the same, our connection hasn't faded and I know in my heart that I am still madly in love with her. She still loves me to. What do I do? Do I leave an unhappy but stable life to attempt to rebuild a life with her? Do I stay with my wife, risk being unhappy, and let my true love move out of my life again? Any suggestions? This really is making me sick!!

Don't know to do. What does he really want?

So I had a brief affair last year that ended the very end of Sept. Came totally clean with my husband and started working on myself because I really needed it. Things were really hard for four months. He would barely talk to me. He started warming up the beginning of February and we started acting like a married couple again. Sex, cuddling the whole nine yards. Things were going well. Last night , I was watching News with my husband when the doorbell rang. My husband answered the door and it was the other man. He was acting really strange and said he was just in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi. Just really freaked me out. I am surprised my husband didn't beat him to a bloody pulp. I can tell he wanted to. Now things are rocky again with my husband because he doesn't know why this guy stopped by. I don't know why he came by. I am totally freaked out and don't know what to do. Need advice. Why did he come over. What does he want.

Was i Wrong To Hit Him?

Dear DOASW

My husband has had so much to drink which is not out of the norm on the weekends. We have been together for nearly a decade, so he knows me. He knows I hate been tickled, and when he's drunk his tickling is more like a mix of actual tickling and jabbing. I was on the couch he was tickling me and i kept telling him to stop, but he wouldn't listen he went on and I got irritated with being "tickled". when I had already kicked him off and toId him to stop but that didn't stop him and then, I accidentally hit him with my phone. I got angry, and hit him the second time on purpose. I don't think that I hit him that hard, but he got angry. He got up, said he was going to hit me if I ever hit him like that again. I told him I felt like I had no choice. He wouldn't stop! His mom walked in on us arguing, and in front of her he said he was going to "scatter me" all over the livingroom if I ever hit him again, that if I wanted to act like a man he was going to treat me like a man. I really don't see how flailing and asking profusely for him to stop and him dismissing my requests is acting like a man? Was I wrong to hit him to get him off of me? Should I have just put up with his sloppy drunk behaviour? I just can't get over the fact that he threatened to physically hurt me. I mean he got in my face and for a moment, I thought he might. He kept asking me who the hell I thought I was. Um, your wife and the mother of your children so how about a little respect? He got up this morning, mad at me. Like I'm the one to blame! Am I crazy to think he owes me an apology and a promise that he's never going to threaten me again?

My Husband Beats Me in Pregnancy!

Dear Eneche

I have been married for almost 9-10 months now. My husband is abusive. he does love me but he beats me very badly.. 
He has a well paid job and I also work in the bank and give him all my salary(almost as much as his). and he keeps reminding me that he is feeding me and paying for my expenses.. he cares for his friends a little too much and wants to spend too much on them... they ignore me totally but he expects me to be lovey -dovey with them.. if i even show that i am not interested in them he beats me very badly... I am pregnant now in my 5 month and yet the beating hasn't stop... Just the other day, he asked me what i wanted and i said nothing and he beat me so bad my head swell up and still hurting till date. he even threatened to beat me in the stomach... i do care for him and love him but my love isnt seeming to be enough... what do i do ?? we in a country were people feel domestic violence is a right for men.and see divorce as a taboo..moreover is it not too early to start thinking that?pls Someone help me!

Opinion please

Hello Readers

About a Week ago,I received a call from my husband who was at that time in his office.he told me that on no account should I answer the door if anybody came knocking.  He claimed there's a man who's going crazy and was accusing him of having an affair with his wife.Hmmmm.I was confused at first but said ok. I waited almost the whole day no one showed up.instead I got a call from my dad saying someone called him to say his "Son Inlaw was having an affair with his Wife" and his wife already confessed to him when he confronted her with evidence.I was Embarrassed and angry at same time ..why should my husband date someone's wife. I called my husband immediately and he denied it saying the guy was nuts . that he's just friends with the lady nothing more and that they were secondary school friends. Finally I called the man in question and he told me they had been having an affair for a couple years and were meeting at a guest house in Ikeja. I got the womans phone number and it was the most frequently dialled number on my Hubby's phone with multiple sex text messages. My husband called the woman and put the phone on speaker for me to hear their conversation. He said tell my wife your husband is crazy and nothing happened. Her response was "thats your problem you need to get your own marriage in order like I am". "There is no friendship here". He acted as if I was supposed to take that as nothing happened but I didn't. He gets mad when I refer to his girlfriend and still says nothing ever happened. 
I don' t really know what to do with this. I want to believe him...but too many things point to him lying.
Do you think he did It???

What Is My Mother In-laws Place in My Home?

Hello Readers

I have been married for 4years. I'm married to my friend of 7years. I have no father inlaw. he died when my husband was still very young and my Mum in-law raised him on her own.
My husbands mum is very religious and has never visited us without trying to convert us to her religion (she is Jehovah Witness).and we are Pentecostal.
It was my husbands birthday/wedding anniversary last week and I  received a message from my mother in-law asking if we could come over to hers as she already made dinner to celebrate with us. I apologized to her nicely and told her we already made plans to go out with friends and it was almost time for the outing it won't be nice to keep people waiting.
She promptly texted my husband and said she had been cooking all day and I refused to come over to hers and that my excuse was flimsy. Mind you it was my husband who didnt want her over since she always throws the religion in our face. Anyway, I sent her a message to say it wasn't nice of her to lie to my husband about me. She then replied with a very long message telling me how she single handedly raised my husband and how I'm trying to create a gap between her son and herself. That if I love myself I should better dance to her tune or else get ready for a second marriage.Hmmmmm! That she's trying to find her place within our marriage! Im sorry but I didnt realize mother in laws had places within our marriage. Am I wrong to think that. I think she is overstepping her boundaries. This isnt the first time either. She is always calling and texting really rude and abusive messages.
We invite her over about once a month for Lunch and go to hers every other weekend that we aren't busy and each time ends with her getting upset because we are all going to 'burn in hell' since we wont convert. Im at a loss here. I adore my husband but am completely lost about how to handle this. Please someone help.

Should I Call The Cops?

"I think this hilarious"😀😁😁😁😁😁

Ive been having an affair with a married man for about 2-3mo. We've known each other for years. He had just got married last year. So this evening when we meet up, she followed him and he did not know it. I had just got into his suv and kissed when she came driving up in front of us. Needless to say, she opened my passenger door and started beating on me in the back of my head and face. I handed my glasses to him so she wouldn't break them. Ive never been in a fight before. I went into shock. Well of course she called me every name in the book and then some. I got out of his suv when she told me to and left. She works for a lawyer. so later on he called to check on me and he said it wasnt worth it anymore that he couldnt risk his marriage. She had told him she wanted a divorce but he want to work it out. I almost called the police because she did assault me. I wasnt sure what to do. I dont know what my consequences would be if any at all. He told her we are just friends. I know she dont believe that. Ive thought about msging her and saying look ok we've been having an affair and attaching photos hes sent me. Im really pissed at him right now bc he did not do anything or say anything when she was hitting me. He did call to check on me and apologize for what happened. I dont know what to do. Ive never had an affair with a married man. Any help here

My Husbands Sex Drive

Hello Readers

I have been married for 9 years... as I got older, with kids, work, at times college AND work AND family to take care of, my libido is not the same as it used to be when we were younger and had less responsibilities. I am about to turn 37. I LOVE my husband, but we obviously love differently. My "love language" is taking care of everything, working at my job to contribute to our income, making sure our kids are happy and taken care of, etc... I love holding his hand when we walk, I love hugging him, I love hearing he say he loves me... regular things that every woman loves... His "love language" however, is physical touch - more in a sexual way than anything else. He has admitted he would be so happy if he could have sex every single day, and I don't think that's normal... am I the crazy one? I would be completely happy with sex 2, maybe 3 times a week.......The other thing is how he approaches it, he is not at all sweet/romantic about it, and that also turns me off.... while I appreciate that he is attracted to me and I know that is his "weird" way of showing love... it makes me feel like an "object", it does not make me feel loved. And it turns me off more and more... We have had multiple talks and it always end up with me feeling guilty for not feeling the same way he does. It has affected me tremendously. I've had anxiety over it, and at times I feel like I will never be able to make him happy because I know I will never be that much into sex. I am a woman. I meaningful conversation, words of encouragement, etc.. mean so much more to me than sex. Do I think sex in important? YES! Do I love having sex with my husband? YES! But I don't need nor want it every day and because of that I feel I'll never make him happy and fulfilled. I am not sure what I am expecting here... maybe some wisdom and guidance from someone? Help?

My Marriage is Hitting the wall

Im 35 and my husband is 40..we have been married for 10 years with beautiful kids. To cut the long story short, our relationship has been a rocky one from the beginning. It has never being peaceful and I'm always the one who gets hurt. while truly believing my husband has no clue how our tumultuous relationship has worn me down emotionally. Well a couple of days ago  something happened. I completely shut down and can hardly feel anything. I am apathetic towards him. I know its a defense mechanism of some sort, but I have no control over it. I am not in love with him, definitely, however, I care deeply for him, as weve been together for ten years. He has caused a lot of pain with being a workaholic, insensitive, no interests outside of work, highly stressed, moody, etc. Never physical with me but I believe there have been phases of emotional abuse and extreme lack of empathy over the obvious pain he can inflict on me. So my question is, has anyone ever gotten to the point to where you just don't FEEL anything when it comes to your spouse? I don't want conversation, hugs, definitely not sex, although I feel very deprived (he doesn't withhold, more the opposite). Can I recover from this? I am so extremely lonely, but do not wish for him to fill the void anymore. What can be done? Thanks

Am I Guilty For My Husbands Misbehavior?

Dear Readers

I have been married for 8years and have a 6year-old son. Last year i found out that my husband was cheating on me (he used to send messages to a girl and was hiding the phone). when asked he just said he was just having fun through messaging and nothing else, and then after 2 weeks or so, again he had called her again when i asked him,he said I should stop policing him or else it will get worse, so i just kept quiet. then around 4 months ago, he was caught with a girl in a hotel room (he had told me he is going on a business trip). when i found him there, he was shocked and said "sorry it wont happen again." and i was so frustrated that i asked him to leave me alone. then after a week, i went to him and asked what was his plan for the future, he said he has nothing to speak to me, from then on no contact, i tried to call him, no response, what should i do now? pls help.

Wife's Weight Gain and Loss of Attraction

Dear readers

I'm sure this is a hot topic so I'm hoping to get some feedback (and probably criticism) but I'm at wit's end. To start, I love my wife more than anything in the world. We've been married for 8 years and have a 6 year old daughter together. Our sex life was always great but in the last year it has started to fade. She became suspicious that I was having an affair but it was nothing of the sort. Her weight gain has started to make her less attractive and I was less often "in the mood". I worry about our relationship if the attraction becomes lost and I don't want to hurt our relationship with the subject.
My wife was a curvy. When we got married, she was about a size 8. She was an absolute knockout. In the last years she's now a size 16 almost 18.She's not fat, however,she's  near obese.I just want her back where she was when we married, and for a brief time after she had our child.
I was terrified at approaching the subject but eventually did and she started working out but her diet made it impossible to lose any weight. I started dieting too to encourage her but shes already complaining that I've lost so much which doesn't fit me
My wife actually wants me to gain weight now. I think it is because she would rather us both be overweight than lose the weight herself.
After months of her badgering me about the possibility of having an affair, I broke down and told her the truth. I basically told her that I've lost some attraction to her because of her weight gain. She was furious and wants a divorce. She says I'm insensitive and selfish. I think attraction is important in a relationship and I worry that if I do nothing, our marriage will struggle. Not just because I might look elsewhere, but because she might as well (due to the lack of intimacy).
Has anyone else encountered this? How have you dealt with it? Am I really insensitive? Please reply and let me know what you think as I'm desperate for guidance. I hate feeling this way. I'm ashamed.

My Husband Hides to make calls:

Hello Readers

If your spouse was hiding phone calls to the opposite sex (only making calls when your not around), or closing out of chat screens when you came close to him would you consider this to be cheating? I personally believe it is but i would like to hear other peoples opinions on the subject. My mother-in-law feels differently then me on the subject.

Your thoughts pls

6years no commitment. ....Should I Hold on???

Dear Doasw Readers

I have dated my boyfriend for 6 years. Though he hasn't proposed but we have discussed about marriage and we both want it. He always talks about our future house and future.We do not live together but we both live in Lagos. He loves me and does everything for me.All of our friends are getting engaged or are married and he hates it when I found out because  he thinks I might be upset with him. I want to get married and we've discussed that. He said it will be soon. Soon is what was said 2 years ago and I do communicate that I want to get married but it still has not happened. I figure since we do not live together he would have asked me to marry him a long time ago so we could sleep and wake up next to each other instead of me having to be home by 2am. I will not give him an ultimatum because i do not believe in that. If he wants to marry me he should do it on his own. Please i need your sincere advice, Should I hold on to this relationship or start considering moving on?

Mentaly Drained By My Husband:

Dear Readers,

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We now have an 8 month old and a 3 year old. We have been through more than I'd like to admit. From one fight , being together at the time, from getting back together, cheating, physical, emotional, verbal abuse by him. I look at the person I've become now and I no longer like who I am. I never would've thought I would allow myself to be in this type of situation. My husband has drank and left me for hours at home with our kids and no vehicle not caring to return my calls and only texting me cursing me out for worrying about where he is or what he is doing. My problem with his drinking is how he becomes rude and mean towards me. He has physically hurt me while drinking and I have fought back. He has lied to me about working late to have beers with a friend. I do not work. I stay home with our children.He doesn't work during the week. But it's become a habit to have a few beers everyday after work. My main concern is our two kids and how they're affected. To me it feels like he is never home and when he is I try to be happy and enjoy what little time we have by not trying to argue or fight with him about the smallest things. It has become hard for me to just be happy he is home and it's getting even harder to not get angry about every little thing he does. He has mentally drained me from all the things he's done and said to me. I feel like I've lost my strength to keep trying for our family. I have put aside myself for a very long time. I am just looking for opinions, anyone's. There's many details I have left out. I have tried to explain without writing too much.

I Need Help!!!

Dear readers

I feel as though my marriage is ending. I have been married for 6 years and have two young kids. There's a sudden change between my husband and i.We seem not to have a lot in common anymore, like  the type of jokes we crack, how we spend our down time etc.
My husband now does everything based on what he likes and doesn't really tend to my likes.
To make matters worse, just last month i was going through his phone and found some text messages.they were all "sexting" type of message from same person. I confronted him about what I saw and he promised to stop and that there would never be any secret between us again and  we would know each other's pass codes and screen patterns.
We are trying to re-build our relationship but I'm having a hard time doing so. We have no sex life or anything close. I have tried to bring things to his attention and all I get in response is that he can never do anything right anymore. I honestly want this to work but I'm slowly backing away. 

Please help!!!

My Husband Changed 2Months After Marriage

Dear Eneche

I got married to my boyfriend of 5 years just 1 year ago.we are expecting our first child which we are excited about. Everyone knows That my husband is loving and caring and he takes very good care of me. However,my husband doesn't initiate any intimacy in the bedroom.it makes me feel quite  ugly. We have spoken and fought  about it but he just says he finds me attractive,which I find very hard  to believe. I dress up wear makeup, curl my hair before he comes home from work but he never notices. The strange thing is i don't think he is cheating. My husband spends all his time when not working watching tv, and his phone. He never has a conversation with me.when I try to initiate one, i get a response with him still staring at the tv or phone. It makes me feel worthless. I understand those are his hobbies but he does that all the time.
I just lost my banking job all I do now is cook..clean..laundry and look after his aged mum. See i do not mind that but all i want is him to acknowledge how hardworking I am even with a difficult pregnancy. I'm only 27years I just want him to look at me the way he use to.. talk to me. Have sex with me. Appreciate me. I secretly cry.i cry when we fight.i'm lonely. I have no friends or family here so no social life either. I love him and i think he loves me too. How does a man change suddenly after his marriage? I think about divorce already. I want to leave but my baby is on her way to the world soon so I can't. Everyone thinks i'm happy but i'm just a sad, lonely, pathetic pregnant house wife who just wants her partner to touch her at night.  Please help me.

Sexless and Affectionless Marriage

Hello Eneche,

My wife and I have been married for 8years and have two kids aged 7and 4. We havent had sex for 2years . I mean nothing sexual has happened between us in 2years. Which is not ideal, but the worse is that there is no affection or intimacy either. Im not just attracted to her in that way anymore. The most we do is hug and peck on the cheek. And Im very sure she feels the same way too even though she won't  admit it in fear of what it may lead to which is  separation or divorce.It has the same appeal as if it were my sister or mother.We don't fight, and even if we do its never that bad and we don't carry it over for too long.I'm just 40years olds and dont know if I should just call it quit.i want to have a normal sexual relationship and cant because we are still married and don't want to hurt our kids.I just dont want to mess things up for my kids whom are very happy and settled. This dilemna is on my mind everyday and has been for a couple of years. I feel like something has to give eventually. Any thoughts from your readers would be highly  appreciated.
Thank you for the good work you are doing..

My Children And My Marriage!!

Dear Readers

I posted a while ago about finding out my husband was unfaithful. I decided at the time that I would try to work it out with him because I loved him and because we have three children together.
Well I am here 2months later and he is acting suspicious again. I don't even need evidence. I've been married to him long enough to know when he's hiding something and lying straight to my face. I feel so very done. He tells me he loves me and I cant even say it back. He watches to much porn in my opinion and then expects me to reenact what was visually stimulating to him. But they are things that I find utterly repulsive. Don't get me wrong I like kinky fun sometimes to spice things up but he wont have "regular" sex anymore. And he never ever "finishes". So while we may have sex once in a while there is NO intimacy. I feel like its impossible for me to be for him what he desires me to be. I know he resents me but when I try to talk to him about anything he tells me I'm reading into things to much and need to get over myself. We've stopped arguing and have become indifferent to one another.
So here is my question.... Do I stay or do I go? My children are so in love with their daddy, a divorce would devastate them. I am not happy. Even typing that I feel selfish. Do I honor my vows despite my feelings and despite the fact he was not willing to keep his vow to be faithful. I don't love him anymore I actually cant stand the sight of him. But that being said I know Love is a choice so do I just wait for my emotions to catch up to my choice? Is a marriage worth saving when only one person is trying to save it?

When is Enough Really Enough??

I have been married for 6years now. For all 6years I would say that there was more hardship than love. My husband is an addict and it did get to the point of physical violence once with me having a black eye. He has since stopped drinking. Now he is choosing weed. Him smoking this has always been an issue in our marriage and I have expressed that I do not agree with it. We have 2 kids (5 & 2). He has made numerous promises to stop smoking and has not. It has come to the point of him smoking at work while on break. The last time I saw him smoking he promised that was going to be his last. now here I am again. He will only offer an apology and nothing more. He is not willing to fight for our marriage like I have over the past 6years of him lying. It hurts me that he is willing to give up his family life for his selfishness. It hurts and I do not know what to do because of course I do love him and want him to fight for our marriage. 
I have since asked him that maybe we should stay apart, like take a break  But he has refused: he's so attached to the kids and will not have us stay apart.but I don't want them growing up thinking marijuana is good.

So is enough, enough already?

Attracted to my Sister In-law

From a male Reader:

Here is where the problems come in..

I've known and been "kinda friends" with my wife's sister (my sister in law) for years now (she is 20, and i'm 32), but the last 2 or 3 years as she's grown up, she has gotten really attractive, in fact she looks like my wife's twin (even my wife says so) recently (about the last year or so) we have started chatting more and more online, she comes over to hang with me and watch movies etc... and I didn't mind because I was hanging out with attractive girls (my wife and her sister) and honestly I really enjoy spending time with her. 
We have similar interest (what movies we like, what games we play, outdoor activities etc..) well recently I realized my feelings were becoming..more than just friendly, and I know what a dark road that is.. so I quickly decided to break off as much contact with my SIL as I could, yeah I still see her at family events (probably once a week) but removed her from my skype, and stopped chatting on FB stuff like that..
...Well it took about a week of me trying to ignore her and she started to ask why...

So now I'm at this weird crossroads. I'm not sure whether I should talk to the SIL and leave the wife out, or the other way around.. or talk to both?
If I talk to my wife, I'm worried she'll get really angry, or won't understand..and then spend all her time thinking i'm going to cheat on her? I dunno I don't want to go to family events and have my wife staring at me wondering if I still have feelings for her sister or something..

and at the same time, if I talk to my SIL, what if she didn't know that I liked her? and then I just look like the creepy sleazy older brother in law.. I dunno

what do I do? :

Police and Marriage:

Question for the Day??

What do we think about married couples calling the police on each other during crisis??

From a concerned friend;

A letter from a female reader on behalf of her friend;

Good evening Admin, please  I need u to blog this on behalf of my friend.She has been married for 11years and has 3kids.The hubby was ok financially till he lost his job 5yrs into the union.She has a paying business and she is from an average family that assists her in paying house rent and school fees.She has been comfortable with this while they pray for a job for the hubby.. But her hubby became something else.from late night outings to numerous girlfriends and all but the issue bothering her is that he stopped having sex with her since 3years ago. She even went to ask for sex. The man abused her ehhhh that she irritates him.she's has gone from one prayer house to another.   she is getting frustrated and needs advice..Please let's help her..

Ladies pls what should she do??

Im Not Feeling My Husband:

I am married into a northern family and I am from the eastern part of Nigeria, I guess this is what we will call WAZOBIA union; lol.

I am very lively girl, I don't allow things get to me. I like to smile, laugh and live like today is my last although I am not the party type but love been around people. I am adventurous and spontaneous, life is too short wishing and hoping. Just go out there and do it kinda person.

Anyway back to gist, I married this man who I thought had the same standards as me, but to find out he doesn't. Its been about 2 years now that we've been married and as the months goes by I dislike him more and more and care less more and more. We both work a lot and I try to ignore him as i don't want to be close to him. Talking to him is like talking to a wall. I feel like if he were to be more open to what I want it'll be better. He has a lot on his plate, as I keep telling myself that from the way he treats me,I try my best to avoid him at all cost. We have nothing in common, he doesn't make me a better person and when i try to make him a better person he gets offended.

Every week I think about getting a divorce but I don't have the balls to. As I have no one, both my parents passed, I am the only child and I have no family. Its just me. Financially I can handle myself as I work, that's not an issue. But I love his family and have become attached to his sister and his mom. I feel like I'm staying in this marriage so I don't break their hearts. I really don't know what to do. I am unhappy all the time, I have no motivation to do anything. The marriage is just not working for me. What do I do?????

"See question ooo" Please someone help me answer:

How my Mother In-Law manipulated My Husband.

As sent by a Female DOSAW reader:

I met my husband when we  were in 400 level in the university, we graduated together and worked our nysc to Abuja. Infact we stayed in the same room throughout our Nysc year. And after service i got a job immediately but my husband, then boyfriend went for his master program abroad,while he was there, I go to visit his mother and also spend weekend there. We were kinda close(least I forget,he's the only son). His parents stay in Abuja.

After his masters program, we fixed a date for our wedding. but shortly before the wedding, his  father died and that  was when the problem started. My mum In-law shifted the wedding date and called me and was telling me thar i have bad luck. After we had the 40 dAys of mourning, according to our tradition.Another date was fixed,we got married and moved into his mum's house. Since my husband hasn't gotten a job. My mum in-law cooks for her son and herself alone.my husband would call me to eat before coming home as "mama didn't keep food for me" If mama finish having her bath, its my husband that creams her body. They would gist till 2am at times and abandon me.
Finally my husband got a good job and when his salary comes in  he gives his mum half of it which I didn't have a problem with.
After a year i didn't conceive so one night mama called me and gave me concortions to eat which I refused to take. It was so bad that my husband takes permission from mama before taking me out.
Because the problem was getting too much we rented a 2bedroom apartment but not too far from mama's.anytime he closes from work he stops @ mama' house to eat dinner He would call at times that he's sleeping over @ his mum's house. One day mama's gate man called me that uncle is  always sleeping in mama house(uncle is my husband) because of mamas friends daughter.I actually went there unannounced and met my husband with another woman .As if that wasn't enough, I got home from work this fateful day to meet the house empty just my stuffs left in the empty house.My hubby had moved out and his phones  switched off.
I ran to mama crying only for me to see my hubby and that same girl. Guess what mama said to me? "That when the rent is due i should move out. Our marriage lasted for only 18months.Now I'm single and Dont want to go into any relationship again.

"HOW I KILLED MY WIFE INADVERTENTLY" Part 1

"A Must Read For All Husband's and Wives".

The story was told by a man of God: Husband and his wife had a domestic disagreement one morning. The man said he was so bitter about it, claiming his wife knew she was wrong but refused to apologise. She felt it was a non issue and the husband should overlook easily. To say "I am sorry, darling", to her husband was difficult for her. So many pple are like that. So many wives take their husbands for granted tooooooooo much. We are humans o. Blood flows in our veins. Make una hear well well.

Three days on, malice reigned in d house. The husband said he must get that "I am sorry." Wife cooked, husband refused to eat. Everyday he came home with food from Tantalizer. He boycotted matrimonial bed. Husband found new friends in the children. Same with wife. By the way, the children were too small to break the ice. I've been there before "Thank God I am wiser now".

On Sunday, last Sunday, they went to church in their different cars but sat side by side during service,
pretending to be jolly good husband and wife. Fraud in the house of God! Jibiti ponbele! May God forgive some husbands &wives...

To Be Continued.

Letter to the Ladies with High Standards Who are Looking for "Readymade Men",

"Who is a Readymade Man?" By Relationship Psychologist Adejoro Olumofin..

Any man that is overly successful/established, owns a chain of properties/vehicles etc and has no struggle in life whatsoever. A lot of ladies are single today because they have chosen not to comprise on their high standards and aren't interested in guys who may be struggling but has potential. 

Some ladies make remarks or assertions like; “If he's not driving G Wagon forget it, he must live in Asokoro or Banana Island, he must have an Oil and Gas job or be in Politics.” They would rather wait for years, search far and wide, and join the queue of ladies who are on the case of Mr "RMM". Most times Mr RMM has a string of girls on his case and may have time to play around and waste a couple of ladies time. There's nothing wrong in knowing what you want and going for it but some of the ladies who fall under this category forget the most important quality that most powerful/successful couples possess, which is GROWTH. 

Growth reminds a man of where he is coming from and most importantly who was with him before he became a "Made Man". Growth gives you, as a woman, the ability to put your man in check by reminding him who contributed and built his Empire with him. In the case of a “RMM" you can't claim any credit because you moved in with everything all set. I must also say that there is no set personality trait for a "RMM" he may be sweet and he may not, also some guys with potential, who have made it, forget who was with them when things were tough.. Choose carefully and pray for favor in choosing.....Doktormofin

HAVE I LOST MY WIFE TO ANOTHER MAN?

A friend sent to me,and I thought I should share...Happy Reading.

Dave and Clara have been
married 4 over nine years
without children. They
stayed with each other
and hoped that they will
have a child before their
10th year of marriage
because they were being
persuaded by family and
some friends to get a
divorce but they couldn’t
let go because of the love
between them.

Months passed...by and
while Dave was returning
from work one day, he
saw his wife walking down
the road with a man and
they looked happy.

Another evening, while
Dave was coming back
from work, he saw the
same man drop her off at
the house. Dave became
angry and sad.

Two days
later, after a hectic day at
work, Dave was taking
water with a glass jug
when the phone rang. He
picked it up and the
person said ‘hello dear, I’ll
be coming to your house
this evening to see you as
promised. I hope .....’’
and then Dave hung up the
phone.

It was a male
voice. He was sure the
person was the man he
had seen with his wife. He
suddenly became shaky
with this thought, ‘’Have i
lost my wife to another
man?’’ At that point, the
glass jug fell from his
hand and shattered into
pieces.

Then Clara came running
into the room asking, ‘’Is
everything okay?’’ In anger
he gave his wife a push
and she fell. She wasn’t
moving or getting up.

Dave then realised that
she fell where he broke
the glass jug and a large
piece of glass has pierced
her. He felt her breath,
pulse and heartbeat but
there she lay lifeless. His
wife was dead.

In total
confusion, he saw an
envelope in her hand. He
took it, opened it and was
shocked by its content. It
was a letter and it reads:

‘’ My loving husband,
words cannot express
how I feel, so i had to
write it down. I have been
going to see a doctor for
over a week and wanted
to be sure before I give
you the news. The doctor
confirmed it that I am
pregnant with a twin and
our babies are due in 7
months from now.

The
doctor also happen to be
my long lost brother
whom I lost contact with
after our marriage. He
has promised to take care
of me and our babies and
give us the best without
collecting a dime.

He also
promised to have dinner
with us today. Thanks to
you for standing by
me...... your loving wife.

As the letter fell from
Dave’s hand, there was a
knock at the door and it
was the same man he had
seen with his wife... and
he said ......’’ hello Dave, I
suppose am right, am
Max, your wife’s
brother.....’’And suddenly
he noticed his sister in the
pool of her blood .... he
rushed her to his hospital
but it was too late, his
sister, Dave’s wife was
gone and so were the
twins..

LESSON:
In our relationships,
which include our
marriage, we should not
be too quick in reacting
when we haven’t
questioned our partner or
spouse on what we saw
or heard about them.

Communication, Trust and
Patience are rare gifts we
can bring to our
relationship.

Not everything we see or
hear or believe is right
about them.

And to every
man or woman, I pray
that patience will have her
perfect way in you and you will
want nothing because patience is that great virtue you need
to make it in life

My wife is Lazy...

From Another Male Reader

Hello Eneche a friend of mine sent your broadcast on BBM and for some strange reason which I hardly do, I decided to read the message and go to the blog. Although I said to myself everyone wants to be a blogger, but I must say I was not disappointed reading your blog as it is different from the norm. I just hope it helps build homes and everyone gets a message for their situation as the case may be.

Well I have my own story to share. I am from a very rich home and an only child of my parents. I come from a family that believes everyone is equal, so getting married to my wife was not a problem despite our differences in social and finicial status. My wife grew up in one of the Police Barracks in Lagos; her father is a Police Officer. My wife comes from a humble home but her attitude since we got married is making me have a second thought.

Our marriage is barely a year and my wife has turned into something else. My parents live in the Abuja but because I didn't want any interference in my home, I decided to rent a 3 bedroom apartment before my wedding and furnished it to the best of my ability; to make my wife comfortable and happy. My wife doesn't work but sometimes I come back from work and she's still in her night gown, the house so unkept, all she does is eat, sleep and chat. She can be on phone all day or monitoring the Kardashian on TV. This is now beginning to make her build castle in the air.

It’s just the two of us in the house and she is already complaining that the work is too much, and advises we get a maid. Please don’t get me wrong there is nothing bad in having a maid but we are newly weds and we agreed no 3rd party at least for the first year. She does not work so please what is the use of this maid?
Imagine I come home one day unannounced and found a mid-age lady in our bathroom washing my wife's underwear and my wife was not home at the time. I asked the lady who she was and she replied that my wife just employed her to clean the house from Monday to Friday within the hours I will be at work. For Christ sake how on earth will you give someone your underwear to wash, when she’s not ill or pregnant and even if she is, some things are just private.

I complained and she quoted a part of 48 laws of power which says “Pay people to do what you can do yourself”. This is my own wife's understanding of that part of the Law.a maid washing her personal items. This amazes me because if my wife is from a rich home maybe I would understand and give reasons that this is how she was brought up but I mean I know how and where we met; No offense intended. My wife has all the Brazilian hair in the market; she does not have any personal savings. All she does is spend money forgetting where she came from.
So please ladies avoid things that would make your spouse start having a second opinion or considering looking at other women. I really hope my wife sees this. There was a story over the weekend about a celebrity's husband getting another lady pregnant please I am not justifying his action but was that girl really married? Well that's none of my business. I just want my wife to change her ways because we still have a long way to go.

"Oya Ladies over to you...Our husband's are vexing "Lol

I'm loosing my man.

From a doasw reader.

My husband just told me he is no more attracted to me.He says I'm pretty and that he likes certain aspects of me but isn't attracted to me just because i refused to have anal sex with him .Please what should I do?

"Mbok!! Things are happening ooo....all in the name of marriage".

Toke Finally speaks Out!!!

Toke has always been a strong and courageous woman, who fought her way to the top. Last Saturday, news broke out that Toke’s husband Maje Ayida had impregnated his ex-girlfriend, Anita Solomon. Well, Toke has finally said something about the matter. Here’s what she posted:

"The amount of emails I have received from women across the world going thru difficult situations is heartbreaking. (Thank you all for sharing). In a world where the popular belief out there is that women hate each other, women can’t stand each other…. I have gotten emails/calls from women sharing their own personal pain and that is courageous.

I can’t reply everyone, (even though i honestly wish i could.) It is Funny how God uses even the most unbelievable things to bless you. I have been given a voice, a platform, (i don’t even know how it’s all happened) but I woke up one day and I found God and with that came purpose.

It’s never about you, as hard as it seems, sometimes you go thru things not for you but for the people around you who need direction, a word of prayer or more. May God heal every broken heart out there, may his light give you the courage to begin to love yourself. It is tough being a woman, the preasure is real. You don’t have to be a victim, you can rise above it all. Do not let society tell you otherwise. Be Bold, Be Strong. Trust God’s purpose for your life and keep shinning.

*And Yes, to all the people asking, there is a Vlog this week * Good Morning

My wife is done with me sexually

When i met my wife our sexual relationship was very perfect. We couldn't get enough of each other. But i noticed some little changes before we got married, my wife was becoming to religious.she said she didn't feel it was right for us to be sleeping on the same bed ,and also we shouldn't have sex again until we got married.I loved her not just because of sex so these requests weren't a problem.After our wedding we had a couple of  family issues which indirectly affected our sex life.but  now the issues are long gone and we still haven't gotten it right with love making. Its mid year already and I can say we have made love 3 or 4 times this year. She's always having excuses....she's never in the mood. Recently she used my morning breath as an excuse.
This is really challenging, because i don't think she desires me anymore.I deeply and truly love my wife with all my heart but I think she is done with me sexually and I feel so bad because I made a vow never to cheat on my wife but she's really pushing me too far...

Letter to our husbands!!!! Words of a troubled wife...

Sent to me by an Annonymous troubled  wife......

A friend said something to me, in her words "marriage is like a bondage for women, when you've problems and have no one to talk to, because if you tell your friends they will either laugh at you or judge you. You just keep holding on, dying in silence".

I met a doctor who is married with 5kids and he spoke highly of his wife and kids. He explained that Nigerian girls love married men not because they love them for who they are but what they can offer. He said once a colleague of his will wear revealing and seductive clothes and she will always bend forward so her breast can show(of course men are attracted by what they see) and one day he asked her, what exactly do you want? She laughed and acted like she was unaware of her actions, and he replied I am a married man, I can not afford you. The girl felt ashamed and walked away.

What he meant was she will want him to buy her clothes, pay her bills, take her to expensive restaurants, go clubbing, have fun and all she will offer is her body. Definitely he won't be the only one, because she will have several men who are also attending to her needs. Which is going to cost him, her body comes with a huge price tag, that same body my wife has. He is going to spend extra caring for his family at the same time carrying for a side chic. Really, is it worth it????

Most girls these days want married men because they have the money and can take care of them. These ladies will give you unlimited sexual pleasure, go crazy and provide amazing sexual pose, give you blow jobs, play with sex toys, in fact some will go as far as anal sex; all for what??? a price.

You've a beautiful home, a pretty wife and if you're lucky lovely kids. I ask the men, what is the pleasure outside? Why cheat on your wives constantly? Why treat your family as secondary and make a side chic primary concern? What is it the side chic has that your wife hasn't given you? Don't they all have holes in between their legs, the pleasure you get from sex isn't it the same even with different women.

A day will come and God will repay everyone in their coin. Don't throw away your family for 5mins pleasure, carry HIV or infections because of 5-20mins pleasure.

Invest in your home, Invest in your kids, Invest in the people who care for you. When you're down your wife and family will pick you up, why abandon them the time they need you the most? He who have ears let him hear.

Toke Makinwa's Husband in pregnancy Scandal

The latest gist in town is that Maje Ayida, Toke Makinwa’s husband has impregnated another lady! This is so unfair!!n The said lady is actually his ex-girlfriend Anita Solomon who is already in the UK to birth the child. Toke Makinwa has always shown how much she loves her husband, so I know this is a very difficult time for her! Here’s what popular blogger Stella Korkus said:

Toke is also known for her Vlogs which mostly focuses on relationships and how to keep a man. According to insiders, Maje dated his baby mama to be for 8 years. It is also a known fact that Maje & Toke dated for a very long time(10 years or so). So this probably means that Maje was playing 2 women at the same time! I feel really sorry for Toke.

All you cheaters God Diaris God oooo

Narrow Escape. (How cheating on my spouse almost landed me in Jail for life)

I am a married man with 5 beautiful children. With all sincerity I've a good wife, she's a wonderful mother to our kids. Unfortunately we are constantly arguing and fighting due to my cheating habits. My wife has warned me severally and said one day I will meet my water loo and fate will find me out.
I have a girlfriend who lives in delta state and we have been dating for almost 3 years. Each time I have those fights or arguments with my wife or get tired of being around my wife, all I need is to put a call through to my girlfriend to come down to Benin where I reside with my family and she's available.
Last month I invited her to come over and she did and we spent 3days together. She returned back to delta state only for me to hear the news that has made me live in constant fear and regret of the day I started cheating on my wife. After my girlfriend left that weekend, I got the news that she passed away the following day. All my sins came glaring to my face and am so afraid of praying to God to forgive me.
I cannot come to terms with all these hoping am not even linked to being the last person that was with her before her death. I am just writing this not because I want to get sympathy but to let my fellow men know that they should desist from cheating as no one knows tomorrow and what the next page will bring for us. Damn I'm so depressed...

Broken Ego, Broken Home

I have been married for 7years and blessed with two lovely children.
I have always been the one taking care of the home front because I've a steady job and my husband is into contracts which is seasonal.
I think this is affecting my husband as I suspect he has a complex issue due to the fact that I'm the one paying the bills.
I pay for the house rent,pay for the cost of feeding the family as well as care for the kids.
My husband's inability to perform his manly duties has affected us and he takes it out on me by beating me on a regular basis. I've now turned to his punching bag. He locks me out of our home occasionally and I've to to sleep at the parking lot; forgetting that I've work the next day. I work in a bank, so you all can understand that appearance is key. These days I get to work looking worn out and untidy.
This is just one of the numerous maltreatment which I get from him. With all this I still try to keep my cool in the bid of trying to make my marriage work and give my children a proper up bringing. The one that has broken the camel's back is that he has threatened to take my two kids away from me and asked that we meet in court for divorce as he can no longer live with me.
Please what do I do to prove to this man that all is well if we live in peace and join heads together to live a good life. Please help me find solution to this problem, as I want to make my marriage work. I do not want a broken home on an invaluable grounds.

How my Husband duped me

Wonders shall never seize!!!!!

I'm in my mid thirties and work In an oil and gas company.I'm very comfortable and can afford anything money can buy because I wasn't paying any bills as my parent live in same city as me. I have a friend in government who I help to keep his money and I get my share of whatever he gives me A colleague of mine introduced me to her brother and immediately he said he wanted to marry me. I agreed because I felt my colleague was from a very religious background so her brother must be of good conduct as well. We started dating after 3months he said to me that things are a bit tight for him finicially that's why there's a little delay in the wedding plans that I should be patient with him. But as stupid as I was I told him there's was nothing wrong if.I assisted him finicially after all we were soon to be man and wife.I gave him money to arrange with his people to officially meet my family to ask my hand in marriage.
Because I thought we were cool, I opened up to him that I was keeping money for a top government official. After 5,months we got married with my parent financing the wedding. 2,months after our wedding  this fateful day my "husband" called me that he got a good offer for a house in Sunnyvale Abuja, that his friend won a lottery and wants to sell his house at a giveaway price because he doesn't have any plan of coming back to the country. So if I can take from the money in my custody he is going to pay back as soon as he gets paid For the project he was working on. I agreed but told him to buy the house in my friends name in case she comes for his money at least we can show him the house papers that we tried to invest in property for him.
Fast forward to now I didn't bother to ask my husband for the papers because I believed he did as agreed. But last week friday i got a call from my friend asking me to transfer all his cash to another account that was when I remembered to ask my husband for the papers of the house only to be told that he didn't know how to tell me that his friend duped him and has relocated to America..pls.somebody wake me up..where I'm.I going to get the millions from...how can my husband be so callous.. As far as I'm concerned it was a game plan. its causing so much trouble in my home and my husband is spoiling my name saying I was keeping money for my sugar daddy. Pls somebody help..I'm already pregnant where do I start from

Ladies, Don't Make Big Compromise Without a Big Commitment, It May Sound Selfish But It's a Relationship Insurance - Olumofin Busayo Adejoro

Ladies, Don’t Make Big Compromise Without a Big Commitment, It May Sound Selfish But It’s a Relationship Insurance – Olumofin Busayo Adejoro

Letter to the Ladies (Don’t make Big Compromise without a Big commitment) This Article is inspired by a friend of mine who asked me to write this so other ladies can learn from her mistake. She had a nice paying Oil and Gas job and was dating the guy of her dreams for 3 years, he then got a job in the US , so he asked her quit her job and follow him without a ring on it or any strong commitment, so she resigned and moved with him. Flash-Forward 4 months later in the US they broke up. She’s back in Nigeria now single, unhappy and unemployed.. 

Conflict Resolution in Industrial Psychology has compromise as one of its major techniques of solving any problems or alleviating an Intense situation. This being said, ladies don’t make a big compromise without a big commitment, it’s may sound selfish but it’s a relationship Insurance. 

A lot of ladies today allow emotions and love cloud their basic cognitive or rational thoughts.. Some ladies forfeit their masters or education for their boyfriends , quit jobs to be house wives, empty their accounts for their bf to start a business , move into a guys house ( washing, cleaning, cooking, sewing), refuse a promotion at work, step down from running for office or any campaign.. 

All these are good and perfect things to be done for your man if he has stepped up, when I mean step up I don’t mean a promise or engagement ring but a court registered wedding.. Some ladies have used up a lot of their Emotional, Physical, Financial resources on guys that will use those resources to elevate themselves and marry someone else. 

Every man wants and needs a supportive Partner, and ladies want recognition for helping their men but there are some sacrifices or compromise that require a strong commitment, you don’t want to be left hanging or lost in the wind.. A lot of Ladies have suffered Depression, Bulimia, Suicide attempts because they over comprised and their partner married someone else. 

Make smart decisions.. Big Compromise, Big Commitment….. #DoktorMofin

How I Slept With my Husband's Uncle before I got married

I am happily married with a child ,I  met my husband through his uncle during my youth service in Enugu.
His uncle has always been very nice to me which I thought was just a kind gesture, before my marriage, he would ask me to come over to the house and spend time with his wife and kids; this was just to get to know the family and a sign that I was accepted into the family. He usually comes to visit me as well.
On this faithful day, he came over to my place. It was raining heavily and he had to stay a bit longer due to the rain. Before I knew it, he started touching me and next thing we were lying on the bed and Of course we did the "deed".  I felt bad and guilty afterwards and made sure it never happened again.
I eventually got married to his nephew, and we have been married for 3years with a daughter. All has been well, I've a very loving and caring husband.
The devil decided to visit me once again; it was his uncle. He came to visit and said he had some business related meetings and will be spending 2weeks with us. My husband and I were okay with the arrangement.
Now the problem is every time my husband goes to work or an outing with his friends, his uncle will make passes at me and ask that we have sex. Now he has gone into blackmailing me; that if I don't have sex with him, he will tell my husband what transpired between us in the past.
I have begged and begged but he has refused and insist I must dance to his tune. I made him understand what happened in the past was a mistake I regret and we can't relive the past as I am also now married to his nephew. He even made a silly statement that he helped me get a husband, as he brought me and his nephew together in the first place. Please what do I do; do I confess to my husband or let the sleeping dog lie as I do not want to live a life of lies and my past has come to confront me..

My husband showed me fake divorce papers

A doasw reader sent this to me
You can't eat your cake and have it....
.

I am in my late thirties and have a very good job. Five years ago I met my "husband" in my office, he was one of my company's contractor. we exchanged numbers and started dating.when I met him he told me he was divorced but have kids who live and school in the UK. We dated for two years and I got pregnant,so we went to my village were he officially asked for my hand in marriage and also paid my dowry immediately. Before we went to see my parents he showed me his divorce certificate which made me believe he was actually not with his wife.
But I noticed on our traditional marriage day he asked me not to use the picture as my dp or upload on social media because of his kids which i obliged. Unknowingly to me he was still married to the mother of his kids and they all live in the UK.
Apparently, what he showed me was a fake divorce paper.I already have a child for him, his kids now know about me and are frustrating me. He said he didn't want to loose me that was why he lied to me about been divorced... but he is still in the process of divorcing her.pls what should I do..I want to walk out of the marriage and concentrate on my child but he won't let me.

My Husband is a Bigamist.

I'm posting this article just the way it was received.......

Dear Eneche,

I  married my husband when I was
18years old.He lives abroad but comes to Nigeria every Christmas, It was during one of his visits that we met and in less than one year we got married and we have a beautiful daughter..….
He went back to Holland with the hope that I was going to join him soon. But it's 12 years already and there's no sign of joining him anytime soon.he doesn't even come to Nigeria regularly again,he comes every other year. My major concern is that I can't speak with my husband at will except he calls me. His number is always on voicemail. My family got so curious and decided to investigate him. And to our greatest surprise, our findings wasn't a good one.my darling husband is married to another Nigerian in Holland and they have 2,kids that are even older than my daughter.
I want to file for a divorce. but my inlaws are saying I'm the wife they know. I'm confused. I am only 30years and don't want to continue wasting my time. Please your sincere advice on what next i should do, will be appreciated. Thank you

Doris Ademinokan Estranged Husband Drunk in Love With Stella Damasus

The couple’s relationship has been quite controversial,after leaving His  actress wife Doris Simeon for another nollywood Diva Stella Damasus
The Nollywood director/filmmaker, Daniel Ademinokan recently granted an interview where he went on and on about his love for Stella Damasus.He said:

”I am so excited to dedicate this song to one person who has been a rock. Sometimes God just aligns things to happen at the right time. Stella Damasus – you are an amazing person and I appreciate you so much. The kind of mind you have, the way you think. It’s different and I’ll probably never meet anyone like you.

People don’t know the truth about how we got together. I appreciate you so much and you are a very blessed person.

There is something special about you.I have always said to you that the enemy will not attack you if you aren’t special.You have been a source of encouragement to me.You have changed a lot of things in my life.

The way we came together is even a mystery to us.The world may know a lot of crazy things about you but I know who you really are.Thank you for loving me for who I am. We cannot show the whole world everything but you and I have conquered so much in a short time. I would not have been able to achieve a lot of the thing I have if I wasn’t with the right person.You are an actress, singer, writer, teacher, philanthropist, is there anything you can’t do? I love you very much and I’m dedicating this song to you because I want you to stay with me forever".

LOVE IS A BEAUTUFUL THING

I miss my kids, But!!!!

I am 29years old, married and have 3 handsome boys. I got married at a very early stage, I was 20yrs when I met and married my husband.
So far marriage has been blissful and peaceful. I live at the North central part of nigeria and enjoy my home and peace within the city.
My husband is very loving, attends to my needs and spoils me once in a while. He is not perfect and definitely has he short comings but he is a family oriented man and cares for me and the children.
All of a sudden, my husband keeps late nights, having numerous girlfriends and his attention to the home front started to withdraw. This behavior started when we had our second son.
He graduated from late nights to the occasional beating and he has even gone as far as locking me out of the house. He now has an uncontrollable temper that even makes him to set all my clothes on fire; after which he apologized and bought me new sets of clothes.
But what I don't seem to get and understand is his insecurities, his the one cheating yet I am the one taking the heat. He has stopped me from keeping friends or even going out.
My husband prides himself with endless lies and deceit. One fateful day that he was out as usual, he called and said he has been arrested by the police and won't be coming home that day. Of course I was worried and scared, I asked my husband to provide the details of the police station and his whereabouts so I can come and bail him out; before I knew it he said the police has suddenly released him. Hmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!
As if that's not enough, he ordered me not to be friends with his best friend's wife; he never gave me a reason.
Just last week I updated a picture on my phone with this same lady he said I shouldn't be friends with. My husband comes home and beats the hell out of me in the presence of my neighbors. They asked that he stopped and pleaded but he kept on.
He immediately dragged me into his car and drove off, I didn't know our destination. To my greatest surprise he dropped me at my mother's house in Enugu and threw me out of his car and left.
My mother asked what had happened and after several hours of intense and heated discussions, my mother said I should go and see my mother in law.
Of course my mother in law wasn't on my side, she said she can't take me in that her son has already made allegations that I sleep around with other men, I'm a drunk and that I hang out with bad women. She doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
I looked at myself and returned to my mother in tears and just yesterday his mother came over to our house to plead on his behalf that my children are crying for their mother and her son said he did not divorce me. But brought me home to learn godly values and behaviors, that he will be coming to take me back home.
I just can't believe this. Did I marry a mad man? But I love my children and don't want to leave them alone. I am contemplating going back with him for the sake of my children. My family, my mum and brothers are insisting that I shouldn't go back. I am confused, please help me......

STORY OF A TAXI DRIVER(Stroke of fate)

Hmmmm...Today I had an appointment to catch up with in maitama, I could not drive down myself due to this long unfriendly fuel queue, hence I decided to hike a cab to meet up.barely five minutes after the cab moved, the taxi man looked at my hand and saw that I was wearing a wedding band and he said; aunty I know you are a married woman so I will like to ask you a question, I asked him to go ahead with his question wondering what on earth could this question possibly be.and the question came thus"if a husband ask his wife not to do some certain things and she keeps doing them,and also disrespecting her husband before neighbours,  What should the man do'? *Smile* for a second I paused and smiled thinking how did he know I was into relationship stuff? Well that's by the way, and then I was hoping the man is not enslaving his wife,because  that will be totally unacceptable and the man turned to me and said "aunty na me' my wife dey bully me,what that means for those that Dont understand pidgin english is, his wife bullies him. He said to me that whenever they have an argument or misunderstanding, she pulls his mouth telling him to keep quite and stop talking like a woman.*Sad* "she locks me out of the house I built in maraba from my hard sweat, and decided to add a shop for her which she uses as a salon.if I tell her not to open the saloon on sundays she will lock the shop and put chairs outside to attend to customers .whenever I come home later than 9pm, due to traffic and the nature of my job , instead of serving me my dinner, she gives the food to our dog right in front of me ,and says its my punishment for coming home late. this among numerous humilations...am runing out of patience to beat her and throw her out but this is the wife I married & would not want to inflict injuries on her...what do I do? And I said to him that i actually have a forum where we discuss relationship matters, though I'm not a marriage counselor, but he should give me his contact.I will put up your story on my blog and get others opinion then get back to u. But until i get back to you please dont let her push you to the point of hitting her.My dear readers, please advice! I need to get back to him as promised.  But do we actually have women who beat up their husbands?

Over experienced sister in-law

Eneche please tell my sister in-law to leave my marriage alone.

I don't have a perfect home but at least I had peace of mind before my sister inlaw came into the picture. I am 27years old and have being married for 2years. Everything has been going very well until her interference.
This woman in question is a 40yr old divorcee. She moved into my home immediately after her separation from her husband. Ever since then she wants to be in control, she feels that she is right and I am always wrong. She feels she knows how best I should run the home, since the man is her brother.
I now have to take permission from her before I cook because according to her she's on a special diet and we can't be wasting her brothers money by cooking 2 different meals.
I was was down with malaria a couple of days ago and was unable make breakfast. I asked my house help to go ahead and make breakfast, only for my sister in-law to come to my room screaming and yelling that why the hell will I tell a maid to cook for her. In the heat of the moment, I tried to calm her down and explain that I wasn't feeling too well. She made a very lousy comment that when my maid snatches my husband, I shouldn't come to her crying. That we young ladies do not know how to keep our men.
And then I asked myself, if she was so good and knows how to keep a man, how come her own husband no stay na???see me see wahala....
Ever since she moved in, she now makes my husband pick on every little action I make or do. I am positive that she is feeding my husband with lies and gossips.
I don't want to loose my home like her please ask her to leave and stop being a monitoring spirit in my home.

Sister in-law they say I should beg you ooo😁😁

My wife still loves her Ex boyfriend

I sit here confused and thinking were did I go wrong? Who do I talk to? Who can I share this heavy burden with?. Finally I get the courage to speak up on this blog after I saw the first male post on here.

I am a good man with a lovely family and I certainly know that I am not perfect.
I love my wife so much and she is also a good woman in her every way. She is a very social woman who has values and is well behaved. We have been married for 10years without hiccups except the usual husband and wife little misunderstandings...untill my wife shocked me with a confession that has made me contemplate murder or even suicide. My wife dated her first ever boyfriend and parted ways (according to her) without breaking up or ending things. Back then she was madly in love with him and never thought she could leave without him. 7years into our marriage she got a strange call which happened to be the guy who came across a common friend that gave him my wife's contact they kept talking and chatting like normal friends until the guy came down to nigeria and on sighting each other their love struck again.
This act produced a child whom all along I have been thinking is my 4th child whom I adore and love so much. This child came in when we decided and agreed we will only have three kids. But you know how these things are and I thought oh yea this was a mistake; an unplanned pregnancy as we call it. 
The guy left back to canada but they are fully in-touch. With this shocker that makes me terrified but still I am ready to forgive my wife for the sake of our children and the love That we shared. But my biggest challenge is that my wife wants to leave me. She claims she is still madly in love with this guy and wants to be with him. She has even decided to move to Canada and be with him. She is ready to give up everything for this guy.
I have begged despite all odds but she said she can't help it except God helps her. This is just beyond me and I can't guarantee my next line of action. I am like a walking corpse, my mind is a million miles and not here with me. I have cried, I have wept; these days I avoid friends and relatives in-order not to let people know what is going on; I'm hoping we can still settle this, I'm hoping I can still convince her to stay. Please help me; I'm loosing my mind here.

Mrs. Victoria Ambakadrimo, who stabbed husband to death remanded in prison

Mrs. Victoria Ambakadrimo, on february 4 2015 stabbed her husband Late Barr.Henry Gagariga, to death with a kitchen knife on the throat ,around 11pm after a quarrel in their Bayelsa home,finally appeared before a state high court in Yenagoa for the first time.

The presiding judge, Justice A.S Rotimi, adjourned proceeding to 18th June 2015, to enable the prosecuting (the state) hand over certain forensic evidences to the defence counsels before hearing commence.
However, an appeal by the prosecuting counsel to have Victoria remanded at the Okaka medium security prison in Yenagoa until final judgment is read was granted.

Though the accused Victoria pleaded not guilty to the one count charge of murder leveled against her, she cried through out the hearing even to the point when she was escorted to prison at the end of the court session. However, an appeal by the prosecuting counsel to have Victoria remanded at the Okaka medium security prison in Yenagoa until final judgment is read was granted.

From Hot size 8 to 16

From a male doasw reader.

Dear Eneche

I met my wife in a club few years ago,she was doing her youth service in Abuja.
Immediately I saw her I knew that she was the chosen one. I didn't need any prophecy to confirm that she was mine. I remember that she was with some wild looking girls that night but there was something about her that struck me; also not to forget that not all church girls are wife material.

I asked her for her number and she declined; but as a sharp guy I was able to get her number from one of her friends that night. As usual she was forming and fronting but we started talking and should I say the rest is history.
My wife was tall, dark and beautiful. Mehn!! my wife was a hot size 8 chic when we met. I am very sure if she contested with agbani then she would have won. But just after 2 kids my wife is looking like my grandmother.

She is so dirty and unkept; I'm sorry for my choice of language, that's the only way to describe how she is now. She is always looking confused as if she's the first person to have kids. I understand that it's not easy for her but my wife doesn't bother to dress up or do the things that got me attracted to her.
My wife as we speak is a size 16! Yes you heard me right. I saw the bold and beautiful before I decided to go for a model as a wife; and I thought to myself then worse case after kids she will be a size 12 or something.
I understand she's given birth but I mean I know people that have kids and still look good even with their size.

My wife can stay all day eating and watching African magic yoruba. I have talked to her severally and about starting a business while waiting for a job but she keeps saying she can't be dragging debt with people. So now her full time job is Dstv channel 157.
Please I'm not giving excuses or trying to justify why men cheat I'm just speaking for myself. No matter how a man loves a woman their some things that puts one off.

I thank you for creating this medium for all to interact but please encourage your fellow married ladies that marriage shouldn't change their way of life negatively. We like our wives to look hot for us. There are devourers in this town.

By the way I think I should get a prize for being the first male on the blog to speak up. In everything I've said, I still love my wife.

Ladies corner by Mary Azumara

Are you a married woman or in a serious relationship? If yes you need to read this.
Rules to live by:

1. Are you happy in your marriage/relationship? If Yes, keep doing whatever it is you're doing and always give room for improvement. If No, find ways to be happy without your partner, also find ways to bring your partner closer, find things that you guys can do together as a couple, it strengthens a relationship.

2. You find out your partner is cheating on you; what are you going to do? Will you call off the relationship or divorce? If your answer is Yes, that's good go for it. If your answer is No then try and resolve what caused it in the first place. I always ask myself if you are not going to divorce then no point knowing if his cheating or if he cheated on you. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying every man should cheat and shouldn't be penalized for doing so but guess what whether you like to hear it or not; it's a bloody man's world, and men get away with a lot. Pray you're never faced with a cheating partner but if you are you also have to pray that he changes or God gives you the grace to move on. Actually it's in the bible, you can call off a marriage if a partner was caught cheating but guess what you can't re-marry.

3. A lot of women always "police" their partner's finances, please stop. You go oh why did you buy that or why did you send that amount to your mother or why did you spend that amount on clothes. Stop it... You're micro-managing your partner and one day he will start hiding so many things from you. Let him be a man, I'm not saying don't guide or have insight of what your man is doing but don't take it to the next level. The only time you're allowed to micro-manage every single expenditure and income of your husband is when you're both sharing the cost; I mean when you do 50/50 even at that you still should know were to draw the line. If he is caring for the family and providing as he should, spend less time telling him what to do and spend more time encouraging him and praying for him.

4. Women we naturally like to nag, yes it's in our nature but we need to understand the way men are wired. Too much talk make them run away, too much harassment makes them think oh this woman wants to take my manhood position. Yes, men think like that. If your are upset, talk about it, make your point and end it there. Please don't go on and on; you will only push him away and one day push him to the wrong hands.

5. Truth be told, let your man have his time out with his friends. Yes I just said that. You too should also have time out with your ladies. If you've kids, you can always do something without your children. It doesn't make you a bad mother, you need your ME and ALONE time once in a while. Remember you were once a single lady before becoming a wife, partner or parent; so sometimes explore more things about yourself, treat yourself for dinner, a day at the spa or whatever makes you happy. You will make your relationship better and stronger when you both give yourselves space to explore what makes each of you who you are.

6. Hmmmm this one is tricky but it's the truth. Are you married? If yes, please can you stop telling your single friends the issues you have in your home. Please stop. They can never offer you the best advice, they're not married and won't be able to understand what it takes to stay married. Most of the time, they will laugh at you at your back or better still try and steal your man since you can't keep him or are not happy. If your husband is good, keep it to yourself; if your husband is bad, take it to God and seek counseling from someone who will not be biased or take your side or the side of your husband.

7.Don't ever compare your partner to another.. I mean it; comparison is like telling someone oh you're not good enough, ok here I know someone who is better than you. No man is perfect and yes you are not perfect either, so why look for perfection in someone else. Look for things that you love in your partner and count your blessings. For all you know, you've it better. Oh Mr Okon doesn't keep late nights, he is always with his wife, he is always with his children, oh can't you see how happy they're. My darling you're digging your marriage deep, one day you will realize that Mr Okon isn't a saint and I pray by then you've not destroyed your own home

 
To be continued next week